Yu-Gi-Oh Manga: 331 The Light of the Soul!

If you didn't read my last post, you won't know that I cut a check for a e-bike last week, so I was bouncing with some excitement for the day when I could take home my new toy once the check cleared. As I write this post, I brought home the e-bike yesterday, and wouldn't you know it? It's raining pretty heavily today and I haven't been able to take it out on the road. If I'm completely honest, I'm a little relieved that I can't do it today, because I had a lot of other things I needed to accomplish today. Besides, I'm just a LITTLE nervous about when I finally go on the asphalt - there are no bike lanes or sidewalks on the stretch leading to town. It's a very short distance that I should be able to make in no time with the pedal-assist, but I'm wary of drivers. Not just the ones that aren't paying too much attention to the road, but the ones who tend to be a little antagonistic to cyclists. 

I'm just repeatedly reminding myself that I've seen PLENTY of people out on their bikes on the road before. 

But there's always the chance of getting blindsided by a more powerful entity, regardless of how much we have prepared, isn't there?

And Siamun looks pretty prepared. He commands Exodia to burn up the dark god with the fire in its soul. Yami questions whether Siamun and Exodia can defeat Zorc, hopeful, but cautious. Zorc seems wholly unfazed by the blast streaming right into his face from Exodia, so that's probably not the best sign. Still the soldiers below choose to interpret this as Zorc being entirely immobilized by the flames covering him. Siamun sweats bullets as he insists to himself that the blast just needs to be a little MOAR. He offers himself up as fuel to the "fires of anger" while his soul still burns. More metaphors that are REALLY not working. Exodia seems to be concentrating just as hard as he is. 

From behind the flames of Exodia's attack, Zorc states that there's not a flame on Earth that can light HIS darkness, and therefore he's impervious to the attack. Subsequently, Zorc invites them to see his power, something called "Dark Phenomenon". It's as edgy as it sounds.

No. Really. 

Is that Exodia getting bisected by some kind of weird Zorc laser? Yes. Is it fresh to death? Yes, again.

Yami yells out in concern at Exodia, while someone narrates how Exodia got split right down the middle. Siamun spits blood with a groan, clutching at his chest, Yami calling for HIM now. Exodia falls, and Siamun grunts in Yami's arms that he gave his best. Yami can only shout his name in his face, but this SURPRISINGLY does not revive him.

Sir, put that away, before you put someone's eye out.

Yami growls as he gingerly lays Siamun down on the ground and yells at Zorc that he could scatter their souls to the wind and they STILL wouldn't stop fighting him, which, sorry to say, is not much of a threat. It would probably be more of a mild annoyance than anything, like a mosquito. Zorc doesn't point this out, instead insisting that Yami can't win, and that he IS the dark. 

... Okay.

Zorc asks Yami what they all see when they throw their lives to the darkness. Nothing? Because it's, you know, dark. He suggests that they see nothing except their own foolishness and regret, which tracks with how eyes work for sure. Zorc says that mortals fear the dark, but it rules them, and they're powerless before the shadows. Yami shouts that this is not true, that the soul in the body is the light of life, and that he believes that it will NEVER go out. You know, I was dreading this reprise parade of terrible metaphors, but now that it's happening, it's not so bad. Could be worse, I guess.

With cruel laughter, Zorc continues his line of questioning, asking the "great pharaoh" (his scare quotes, not mine) if he still thinks he has any way to defeat the darkness personified in front of him now that he's lost his allies and his life force is fading away. Yami responds that even if his body is destroyed, the light of his soul will pass to someone else and his soul will go on and on. Not sure whether to cue "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion or "Highwayman" written by Jimmy Web. I prefer the latter, but either one could work here. Anyway, Yami says that this cycle will continue until Zorc is defeated. 

Zorc laughs at how Yami hasn't seemed to have figured out what he was getting at with his whole speech about the shadows ruling mortals, and declares that it's human who give him power. Yami looks kinda perplexed in addition to the exclamation points that appear above his head. Zorc explains that shadows are born in the human heart, and the only way for men to know themselves in the midst of light is to turn to the darkness to see their own shadows. 

I'm really trying my hardest NOT to be bothered by the worsening abuse of metaphor. REALLY. 

Zorc is of the impression that without his shadows, human beings would be mere drones that never questioned the meaning of their existence. The constant wars and violence between people are, according to Zorc, instincts of mankind and the necessary adjustments that are needed to SUSTAIN life in the long run. OH, I get it! He's one of THOSE. I guess you don't need the internet to spread bad and flawed philosophy if you're literally a malevolent god.

This is a SHAMEFULLY easy round of the "Let's Spot the Internal Inconsistencies" game. Give me a challenge next time!

Zorc holds a clawed hand up to the sky and bids his shadows to come and cover the heavens, summoning a swirl of dark clouds. He also commands them to crawl out of hiding and crush the land, which doesn't SEEM like something incorporeal shadows could do, but the ground continues to crack and heave all the harder, so we'll go with it. The ground under Yami and his soldiers' feet is really roiling now too, and said soldier are crying out to their pharaoh in terror. Yami stands steady regardless, raising a fist at Zorc and yells that he fights for the spirits of those who lost their lives searching for the light, refusing to let the world be swallowed by darkness. They were talking completely past each other before, but they may as well be speaking back-to-back at this point. 

There's not much time left, then...

Mahado leads a charge ahead, Hasan not far behind. When they fly close to him, Zorc muses on how there are only three spirits left, which he can blow away in an instant along with the pharaoh's soul in a single breath. Oh great, he can count. Mahado and Hasan pay little to no attention, attacking the right side of Zorc's face with a Magic Blast and the left side with a Soul Bullet, respectively. His head smoking but showing no discernible damage, Zorc asks if that's all they can do, laughing that it tickles. Fixing a demonic eye on Hasan, Zorc calls them all little flies, which is probably the most accurate metaphor I've seen him utter thus far. 

Then he thrusts out his chest and lets loose some crescent-shaped blasts of Zorc Inferno, to initially push his attackers away.

It's now Yami's turn to spit blood. He stumbles to one knee, and Mahado calls down to him in alarm as he stares unseeingly at the breaking ground beneath him, still drooling blood. Mahado suddenly notices that his body is disappearing him beneath him, dissolving from the bottom up. Yami continues to kneel, barely conscious, while Zorc mocks him with a declaration that the dark god has won the battle of memories. Zorc tell Yami that he's going to vanish into the endless night. Though Yami knows that his soul and ba are fading, he has no energy to react with any strength of emotion, hunched over the ground and expressionless. 

Hasan flies up above Yami and shouts down at him, through a crack in his mask, revealing an eye, nose and mouth, which all point at the near distance with surprise. Four figures are headed toward them in the air, and Hasan recognizes them immediately. While the figures land on the failing earth, Zorc also notices them with a curious hum.

Well, they must not be able to read that true name of Yami's, otherwise they might have switched to it. 

So, what did I think of this chapter overall? I complain a lot about the metaphor issues in this chapter, but honestly, they may come less from the fact that they are very jumbled metaphors and more from the fact that Zorc is a LITERAL personification of darkness. Some of what he is saying isn't meant to be metaphor so much as actual reality, so it can be hard to parse which goes into which basket. 

There are parts of Zorc's shall we say "philosophy" that I can kind of see where he's coming from on. We do, as humans with our developed sense of temporal/hypothetical awareness, give a LOT of consideration to the dark and what's in it. We devote a lot of time and mental energy considering what may, either now or in the future, be lurking out of sight or in the shadows. From worrying about the monster under the bed to fretting about what should happen if a murderer were to break into our home in the dead of night, there are countless boogeymen conjured in our imaginations all the time, and giving too much of our lives dwelling on these WOULD give them a measure of power over us by dictating how we tiptoe around those dark hours. This to some degree seems to be how the ka monsters are manifested as well - when their masters dwell too long in dark places, psychologically, socially, systemically, what have you, they end up creating a spiritual guardian that is either a defensive or offensive response to the particulars of their shady environment. Zorc just seems to be THAT, but turned up to eleven - a collective thought form of ultimate horror. 

This, I get. It makes some measure of sense to me. There's also something to the idea that people can only really know themselves if they understand their dark or less-than-admirable qualities. These are as much a part of who we are as the good ones, and are really inextricable from us, just as the dark is from the light or vice versa. We tend to try to ignore or tamp those down, however, and pretend they don't exist. Acknowledging these qualities and where they come from is actually what we call in my community "Shadow Work" and can be quite therapeutic when paired with the all important therapy and self-control. 

But I get the impression that Zorc is implying that personal catharsis is INDULGING those qualities rather than simply acknowledging their existence and keeping them in check through compassion for oneself. He does, after all, spend pretty much the whole chapter advocating for embracing a permanent darkness over the world. Obviously, this is extreme, and you would EXPECT that from a villain, but it also unfortunately highlights (heh) the same position of Yami, just on the opposite end of the spectrum. Yami does precisely what I mentioned above; he tries to kind of ignore the necessarily dark parts of human beings, not even really trying to refute what Zorc says about shadows of the soul and whatnot. He'd rather just focus entirely upon that soul-light and refuse to even address the argument that there are shadows cast by it. A little bit of toxic positivity exemplified by out protag, unfortunately.

What's more, I am reminded yet again that this comic STARTED with the morality binary flipped: in the beginning, Yami was a DARK spirit dealing out justice, Kaiba represented the LIGHT side of things and he was the worst. Now Yami has migrated over to being another representation of the LIGHT instead, Priest Seto has been shoved into a role of pure and noble service to the light, and we have an ultimate big bad that is dark made manifest, so the morality poles can be set back to the default orientation. I'm just imagining if Zorc had been an evil light god instead, representing all the negative qualities of unceasing glaring illumination. 

Might have been interesting. 

And I just have to point out how abrupt Zorc's declaration of plunging men into an endless dark hell is. There was no lead-up to this with the logic behind this course of action. In fact, if all the wars and violence are caused by all this darkness in men, then it would stand to reason that increasing that darkness to 100% would do the same for those violent tendencies, and well... mortals making all war and no love is probably going to wipe out the whole of the human population pretty fast. And THEN who's going to give Zorc all that sweet, sweet shadow power? 

I feel like he didn't think this through. 

Inuyasha Manga: 272 Extinguished

Just the opposite for me; I've been fired up! As I'm writing this, I spent the previous afternoon in a bike shop, looking for new e-bike, and left a check for one that I think will work rather well for me. My house is in a semi-rural area, but the small grocery store I shop at is just down the road from me, a ten-minute drive. Cars, including used ones, are so incredibly expensive right now, and I hate the idea of cars in general (from pollution to infrastructure) more every moment. So, I figured another kind of electric vehicle would be the better option. Still kind of expensive, but with just a little pedal-assist electric motor, I can go pretty fast while also getting a good amount of exercise when I pick up odds-and-ends in "town". Also, my husband and I are planning on taking a bike ride every weekend in the cute park nearby, so that will be fun!

I'm very excited, but I won't have the bike until the check goes through, so I have to wait just a TAD longer to feel the wind - and rain of the PNW - in my hair.

But at least I'm not in a thumping cave in the meantime. 

Renkotsu works out that this means Naraku is now on the move. He looks down at the shard he took from Jakotsu still pinched in his fingers, wondering if he should use it. Dude goes to the trouble to nudge Jakotsu toward his downfall and take the fragment from him, and he's still debating the use of it? NOW he's questioning if this is a viable course of action?? How recent was it that he lost his shit and almost blew everybody up because he "couldn't turn back" again??? Renkotsu pisses me off SO MUCH.

After some vague thought about fighting or running or something that doesn't matter, he goes ahead and inserts the shard into his neck, getting a nice surge of power in the process. Good job on following through on your bullshit, you oscillating dipshit. He exits the caves through a crack in the mountain (not sure if it's the same one they went in through), and immediately spots Bankotsu gazing up at the sky on a rock nearby. Man, these Shichinintai are REALLY good at just being the places they need to be to meet up with their fellows coincidentally, especially the leader. 

Bankotsu looks over and asks if Renkotsu is alright, and Renkotsu answers in the affirmative, silently making some calculations as he approaches. He assumes that the bastard who leads their dwindled group has other Shikon shards in his body too, Kyoukotsu's, Mukotsu's and Suikotsu's to make four in total. He recalls that the fragments they took from Kagome are also in Banryuu. Renkotsu takes stock of his own Shikon shard number, a total of three with his, Ginkotsu's and Jakotsu's. He draws up behind Bankotsu with the thought that they're ALMOST equal without Bankotsu's weapon, of course. No word on how he's going to prevent Banktosu from using THAT, because his next utterly delusional thought is that if he's going to do his little coup, now's the time. 

So he's really the only one who's surprised when THIS is what happens immediately thereafter:

I mean, really. What did you expect, Renkotsu?

Bankotsu pulls two Shikon fragments out of Renkotsu's neck, and counting them between his bloodied fingers. He clenches them in his fist and suggests conversationally at Renkotsu that there's only one to go. Neck bleeding, Renkotsu shudders, spitting that Bankosu is a bastard, out loud this time. Oooh, someone grew the SLIGHTEST bit of a spine I see. Bankotsu smirks, pointing out that Renkotsu has been awfully stupid for a smart guy, hanging one of those FAMOUS RT lampshades on this whole debacle. He says that Renkotsu was thinking about unnecessary bullshit this entire time, and therefore is past saving. Real subtle. 

Renkotsu grasps his own throat, presumably to stem the blood flow, and asks for confirmation that Bankotsu intends to kill him. Bankotsu holds up Bankotsu's hair pin, countering with the accusation that Renkotsu killed Jakotsu for his coveted Shikon shard, after all. Renkotsu staggers, asking how that is any different from what Bankotsu's doing now. Is he just not AWARE that his question was answered before he even asked it, or...? Bankotsu pauses as he listens to a saimyoushou, possibly the same one that carried over the hair pin. 

Well, that was anti-climactic.

Bankotsu tells the dissolving remains of Renkotsu that what he's doing is different because he never betrayed his friends. Even Renkotsu's stupid ass should have been able to fathom that one. Not really that deep. Bankotsu closes his eyes and sighs over how lonely he is now, since he's the only one of his band of professional murderers left now. He'll have to forgive me if I don't feel bad, lol.

We shift back to Kikyou and Hakushin-Shounin, without a narrow transition panel of any sort, if you can believe it. Hakushin-Shounin tells Kikyou that he's gotten rid of his personal barrier, and suggests again that this dead miko wants to calm his soul and dissolve the larger crackling barrier over the whole mountain in the process. But he explains to her that his soul was smeared with malice and hatred while he was buried alive, and therefore he's already concluded that he can't be cured. Kikyou responds that she naturally doesn't presume to think someone like herself can save his soul, but she IS wanting to know for herself what he's grieving about. This word "grief" seems to confuse Hakushin-Shounin.

Awww, cute, the corpses are hugging! Wait...

Kikyou assures him that she HAS to embrace him in order for his malice and hatred to transfer over to her - trust her, she's not just being weird! What I thought she had divined at a distance before, the scene with Naraku kneeling and reassuring an inconsolable Hakushin-Shounin that it's okay for him to hate the people who did this to him, plays out for her now too. Kikyou draws back a little to say that he WASN'T crying because he hated the people of the living world. It dawns on him with her statement that she's right; he was crying because he wanted to die a proper saint, which didn't happen. He hadn't known at the time how weak he was, and was overwhelmed by his eventual realization of the weakness in his own heart. 

Still hugging Hakushin-Shounin, Kikyou asks him for confirmation that this hurt him, and he gives her an affirmative. She gives Hakushin-Shounin a different reassurance than Naraku; that he's served the people more than enough, and that it's time for him to be free. She pleads with him to go free now, and after a small pause, Hakushin-Shounin asks Kikyou if it's really okay. Kikyou gives him the permission to let go he so desperately wanted, and he at last closes his wrinkled eyes. 

What was that about not thinking you can save his soul, Kikyou?

Suddenly, the whole mountain seems to pulse, and Kikyou observes that the sacred grounds around it have been extinguished. The title has been said! Kikyou wins the chapter!!

Ugh, is THIS explosion of evil and nastiness what happens when Kikyou gets the Chapter Title Trophy? I have half a mind to take that shit back.

Inuyasha is still leaping through the passage where he's following Naraku's scent, surrounded by shuddering walls of stone. If I were him, I'd be super nervous about a potential cave-in wiping me out, but all he's doing is pushing onward, yelling at Naraku to show himself. The wall to his right splits in half lengthwise, and he leaps away from it in alarm as the fissure practically explodes outward. He looks back warily, stone debris falling around him, as Bankotsu emerges from the hole he carved with his ridiculous, planet-sized sword.

He informs Inuyasha that there will be no seeing Naraku today...

Bankotsu is DEDICATED to this kill contract. I would admire the tenacity, but, you know. Murder. I don't care for it.

So, what did I think of this chapter overall? First and foremost, I want to gush about the second half of the scene between Kikyou and Hakushin-Shounin. Don't get me wrong, it's SUPER weird that Kikyou can apparently get info on someone's emotional past through embracing them - much like Tessaiga's absorption power, it seemed to come out of nowhere and for no other reason than plot convenience. BUT, this is leagues less annoying to me, simply because of how emotionally RICH it makes the scene. I can overlook the abruptness of the obscure divination power because it's embedded in a warm gesture that in itself is comforting, supportive, tender. The close and intimate contact brings some solidity to the empathetic power Kikyou is bringing, meshing the physical sensations of touch with the emotional sensations of grief. 

And her correctly identifying Hakushin-Shounin's real issue AS grief was so important. I maintain that Naraku is right about it being natural and okay for Hakushin-Shounin to feel negatively toward the people who buried him alive, but the fact that he actually misdiagnosed Hakushin-Shounin's real emotional distress makes a LOT of sense in the end. After all, it wasn't half a second after Naraku came and gave him permission to hate that Hakushin-Shounin started serving Naraku's interests, just like the natural helper he is. The entire reason why he served the community around Mt. Hakurei, the reason he suggested that he become a saint in such a horrible way in the first place, was because he WANTED to help his community spiritually. It was who he was. 

So by extension, it makes sense by extension that when Naraku found his spirit lost in the dark, he was really mourning his inability to complete that task. It was such a painful feeling of failure and loss of a purpose that when Naraku suggested that he HATED the Hakurei community, Hakushin-Shounin fooled himself into believing it, just to ease the horrible discomfort of reality. I'm not going to lie; I've been there. But with a lot of wisdom and empathy, Kikyou was able to bring him back to the real issue he was having so he could acknowledge it and let that shit go. 

Because what these high and mighty religious figures seem to struggle mightily with is the fact that they're human beings just like everyone else. We're imperfect beings, who do not have access to the knowledge of how everything will turn out for them, and therefore doubt in oneself and one's endeavors is going to creep in quite often. Since religion the world over tends to deal in absolutes, doubt is generally frowned-upon, and when it inevitably comes around, those most dedicated to the path do this self-flagellation thing and it's just... 

All of this has just convinced me that KIKYOU now needs someone else to come around to tell her it's okay for her to move on too, poor thing. 

What I DIDN'T like about this chapter was the flaccid balloon that was the ultimate confrontation between Renkotsu and Bankotsu. RT spent a TON of time in this arc building it up, Renkotsu was getting more and more anxious about how this would go when he finally made his move, he did so much to try and build that power up... and there wasn't even a fight. Bankotsu just took the Shikon shards and Renkotsu died without putting up a modicum of a conflict about it, besides whining like a baby the whole time. With how much setup there was about the two clashing when the time came, the result was little more than a shrug at the audience. Did the publisher/editor demand a cut to get a little faster to the end of the arc? Did RT just get BORED with the whole Renkotsu thing? 

I do know one thing - I feel robbed.

Yu-Gi-Oh Manga: 330 The Guardian God!

Though I'm sure this is a completely different thing in the chapter below, I'm imagining those home or even community shrines with the protector/patron gods in them. The ones with the offerings and statuary, and the little trinkets that these spirit beings really like, so they'll be more inclined to like their charges in association. This is, of course, a practice in a LOT of different cultures and societies, and you can go just about ANYWHERE and find these if you look close enough. They're lovely little things too, not bad to look at, so visually you're never disappointed when you do come across them. The most beautiful I ever saw was one to Papa Legba in a little shop, with loose tobacco and colorful candies on it, a bottle of obscure rum, and lit up with candles. 

It makes me wonder, since I've seen a lot of people getting into pop culture magyk on the internet lately, if one day I'll come across one for the god cards or monster characters from THIS series. Might be interesting.

Oh yeah, I forgot Priest Seto's brain was breaking, just like all those palace walls around him.

Akhenaden says that the previous pharaoh was his older brother, and asks if Priest Seto knows what that means, only to quickly provide the answer himself - royal blood flows through Priest Seto's veins. Dude, I think he's still trying to wrap his head around the fact that you're his father. He's sweating as he repeats the "royal blood" phrase in his head. Akhenaden declares that the pharaoh's fate is to theirs as light is to shadow. NO. NO Akhenaden, this isn't the SATs, do not start spouting nonsensical analogies like you're a Pearson Vue proctor. Knock that shit off!

Akhenaden DOESN'T knock that shit off, though, and says that now the shadow power has awakened, the world will enter a new age. This is just as bad as all those terrible metaphors before, SPARE ME. Akhenaden invites Priest Seto to join him, kill the pharaoh, and rule the new shadow world. Priest Seto is so tensed up and jaw is so clenched that he could be made of stone. Meanwhile, the walls are still tumbling down around him. Taking their time, aren't they? All he's thinking about really is Kisara still inside. 

Once again, Akhenaden speaks of Kisara in terms of Priest Seto's possession, telling him to let her die, and then her god monster will take residence in HIS soul. Priest Seto closes his eyes as Akhenaden yells at him to use the white dragon to become king, repeating that he's his son. Starting out with a mumble and evolving into a roar, Priest Seto responds that even if Akhenaden WERE his father, he's not going to sell his soul to the darkness. 

Yeah, you tell that douchebag to go fuck himself!

The ground is cracking and shifting as Priest Seto runs into what's left of the palace, but even when he comes across some guards telling him it's too dangerous to be there and urging him to turn back, he just yells at them to get out of his way. He lifts an arm and grunts as he avoids falling debris when running down a corridor. At the end of it, there's a barred chamber that is so far still standing, which he sprints to in order to yell through the prison door a question if Kisara is okay. She's looking pretty frightened when she turns around in her crumbling cell, calling out to him in desperation. 

As he's unlocking the door, he informs her that the palace is about to collapse. As if she couldn't figure THAT out herself. She asks him why this is happening, but at first he just responds with a command to run quickly. 

Oh man, I don't know if that's the most REASSURING way of letting her know this isn't her fault... But he does add that she shouldn't worry, because what's inside her isn't a monster, so that's nice. 

A particularly threatening crack of the failing building reminds him that they're in danger of being buried alive, and he grabs Kisara's wrist to lead her along, ordering her to hurry and get going as well. As if HE wasn't the one who paused for a little rant. Once they're run out the door and escaped the palace just as it's getting serious about falling down, Priest Seto stops on the edge of the destruction and tells Kisara to get away from there as fast as she can to a place far away, where the fires of war won't reach her. I don't know if that's necessarily possible with this particular threat, but fine, I guess we can all indulge in the fantasy that she'll be able to outrun the end of the world for a moment. She hesitates, but Priest Seto yells at her to go again, so she turns to do as he suggests. But she directs thanks at him just before she starts fleeing again. 

As she's making her exit, Priest Seto mentally advises her to not be caught by the shadows and always look to the light. I feel like this is instruction she doesn't need, what with a cool light-oriented dragon hanging out inside her. In any case, Priest Seto glares ahead of him, because a wild douchebag has appeared. 

I guess it's never occurred to him that Priest Seto doesn't WANT to do that. 

Priest Seto inclines his head a little and closes his eyes, and it kind of looks like he's counting to ten, which amuses me. He looks back up to tell Akhenaden that he's NOT his father, that the best part of his father died on the battlefield long ago, giving his life bravely. Akhenaden remains silent a moment, the mask making it impossible to tell how he's taking this high-brow insult. Then dark arcs of electricity shoot out of his palms into the ground, and he promises to MAKE Priest Seto accept his "gift". Fucking BOOMER shit, I swear.

With a look of horror, Priest Seto seems to notice that Kisara has not ACTUALLY run away, and is still standing awkwardly a distance behind him. She looks a cross between confused and mournful, as he twists to view her with a terrified gape. Akhenaden asserts that a god is born.

RIP Kisara. You were too naturally fucking cool for the role that this story stuck you in, and I'm tempted to just completely rewrite the whole thing so you can be the badass you were clearly meant to be. 

Don't hold your breath for that, though, because there is NO time in my life for a fix-it fic right now. 

Anyway, as you can see in the lower left hand corner of the double-page spread up there, we're back in the thick of the main battle with Zorc, and ka monsters are fighting the undead soldiers in the air, while the normal living soldiers are fighting them on the ground. One of these normal soldiers shouts back at the knot of #importantPeople that they've lost too many men and their enemy is WAY too strong. Yami scoffs in frustration, watching Hasan square-off against several of the undead above. He thinks there's too many of them, wondering how they can fight an army of the dead like this. 

Siamun steps forward and moves to remove the cloth mask he's had over his face this entire time, suggesting that the great pharaoh leave this to him. He's holding up the Millennium Key with his other hand simultaneously. As the mask flutters away from his jaw, we can see he genuinely looks just like a more serious Sugoroku. Siamun asserts that there's still power in these old bones, and he's fixing to use it to protect the pharaoh. Holding up the key even higher, Siamun begins appealing to the "demon god of the palace" with its five sacred parts sealed into stone, declaring that he is releasing it to assist in their hour of need. SOMEHOW, that shrine is still standing, and a collection of five tablets on the wall are lit up by Siamun's call. With a final plea for his sacred spirit to come on down...

And boy, DOES it burn those foes. A wide bast nearly obscures Exodia's whole torso is expelled from its massive hands that instantly incinerates a whole slew of the undead soldiers. Siamun watches the ghostly bones of the undead dissolve into nothing with a heavy serious frown. 

Zorc, I think I speak for everyone when I say - we've seen enough. 

So, what did I think of this chapter overall? Once again, we have a problem with the representation of time. The palace seems to take FAR too long to collapse, and at times it even appears to PAUSE in its destruction just so that Priest Seto can have a little monologue about the monstrosity of man. It really does file down the urgency of the scene to a nub and at times takes the tension RIGHT OUT altogether. Just too many pauses for musings or gapes and not enough near misses to give the impression that there's no time to waste. And I can't lie, seeing later on in the chapter that the Shrine of Wedju is still standing in the backyard when the whole palace was collapsing around Priest Seto and Kisara just further entrenched the plot convenience function of all that destruction. While I understand that the priests and pharaoh's resistance to Zorc DEPENDS on them being able to summon from it, it's just a tad janky that it would remain intact when everything else is going to shit.

And can I just say, Priest Seto's rant was not only inappropriate for the moment, but also struck me as kind of misplaced altogether. He's expressing a disgust for how his father was led down a destructive path, but then applies it to all of humanity as if there aren't specific players. He should know this isn't necessarily a "human" problem in using himself as an example - he's resisting his father's wishes for him to become the king of a shadow world turned inside-out pretty adamantly. It just seems like an extrapolation that Priest Seto has no business making. If anything, this is another indictment of the system that we've seen multiple corruptions manifest in how it persuades the people in charge of it to abuse and take from the people at the bottom, to the point that the whole world is modified to preserve the structure of power.

But Yu-Gi-Oh isn't ready to have THAT conversation. So we get a lame-ass "man is the real monster" mini-rant instead.

I really liked seeing Exodia again - I always did love a good retro callback. The sheer size of Exodia kind of gives you a TINY bit of hope that it might be able to match Zorc in power as well. The final line of the chapter really took the wind out of my sails, though, because it sounds like that blow is probably not even going to TOUCH Zorc. But I have to at least agree with the living soldiers at the scene, since watching the zombie army get incinerated into nothing was so super cool. 

Lastly, I won't go too deep into my thoughts on Kisara's fall; you already know pretty much all my opinions on how disappointing I found her writing and role, so I'd just largely be repeating myself. I will say that I mourn the character she COULD have been more than the character she was, sad as that may be. I just really wish she had been given a LITTLE agency, but even at the end, she's just standing there, not even putting some distance between her and the threat. 

What a waste.

Inuyasha Manga: 271 Pulse

Mine's still going strong, despite how much I felt like I was going to die over the holiday season. Much like Inuyasha, I was a bit more vulnerable than usual and had to deal with a rapidly declining wellness over the past few weeks, but thankfully I also bounced back pretty fast once my ailment wore off. UNLIKE Inuyasha, however, I could have protected myself a bit better, and it's my own damn fault that I had to suffer so much. I thought I was too busy, and ended up taking much more time to get over the attack than I ever would have spent just boosting my defenses. 

If you haven't yet, PLEASE get your flu shots and bivalent covid vaccines, friends!

Too bad there wasn't a vaccine for this fucking barrier. All the same, Inuyasha was able to get his strength back and sends that attack straight at Jakotsu, who... doesn't seem all that bothered about it. He's forced backward by the blow, but his expression is strangely placid as it connects, teeth clenched and brows drawn down in not much more than an expression of irritation and discomfort. A few stalactites from the ceiling clatter down to the floor of the cave, struck down by Kaze no Kizu as well. 

Straight up BURIED that fucker.

Inuyasha takes a moment to appreciate how it's over - well, his weird association with Jakotsu, anyway. When he perceives a certain scent wafting by his nose, he tenses back up and looks around to where it's coming from. Acknowledging that it's Naraku's smell, which is essentially admitting that no, the biggest part of this shit is NOT actually over. But, he is at least on the right track to what he came here for in the first place, so he didn't end up being TOO sidetracked by Jakotsu's noise. 

Noticing that the smell of his enemy is coming from the direction the youkai are leisurely flying from, he starts right for it, affirming that Naraku is in the inner region of the mountain like he'd assumed before. He leaves behind the collapsed cave as it still rumbles with the surrounding activity, Jakotsu's broken interconnected blades sticking up out of the rubble. Jakotsu is conscious, and internally whining about how that darn Inuyasha left without finishing him off, calling him an "amateur" for it. I'm not touching THAT one, because phrasing is dead. Jakotsu thinks he's about to join it in oblivion. 

Seems more like a wish than a statement of concrete fact. And who can blame him? His condition looks... not great. Still, Jakotsu has a somewhat positive attitude about it all - he thinks the experience was pretty interesting overall. You can't get much more interesting than being brought back from the dead as a zombie to fight a dog-boy and his friends. 

Renkotsu walks over to where what's left of Jakotsu muses on his "goner" status, realizing that the guy is still alive with a little surprise. Unable to hope someone else will do the dirty work for him any longer, Renkotsu reaches down for Jakotsu's neck while offering a bullshit apology. He pulls out the Shikon shard with no comment from Jakotsu at all.

Before Jakotsu is even done dissolving down there, Renkotsu straightens up and starts talking to himself about how the Shikon fragment he just took is essential to him, despite it being just ONE more. He smiles at his internal resolution to survive, no matter what shitty things he has to do. 

As Renkotsu turns and walks off, a single saimyoushou buzzes in, lifts Jakotsu's hair pin out of the rubble and his remains, and flies off again. An impressive feat, given the thing is nearly as big as the insect. Props. 

After a unusually fat narrow sky transition panel, we're shown Kikyou hiking up an incline, using her bow as a walking-stick. She thinks that whatever she saw escape Mt. Hakurei is nearby, and this is confirmed when she sees a large shimmering orb sitting a distance beyond the crest of her hill. She identifies it as a barrier with a little confusion.

And boy is he a doozy of a master!

Kikyou looks up at the mountain and the crackling, rustling, failing barrier around it, noting that it's broken and some evil is leaking out of it. Naraku's evil, as she concludes in the next panel. She looks back down at the mummy-man in front of her, and after a small pause, says that he seems to have been a man of high virtue in life. He responds with an exasperated reference to the priest who confronted him just a little while ago, and now there's a miko too. He asks if she is after Naraku too, and she fires back with her own question of whether Naraku was concealed in the sacred grounds he created. These two are VERY calculated in how they talk past one another, lol.

Hakushin-Shounin comments on her sharp expression, asking if she thinks she can see through to his heart. Kikyou replies directly at last, saying that his soul is on full display without her even TRYING to look at it. Shit, fucking wrecked.

Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve. Or your forehead. 

Hakushin-Shounin suggests that it's laughable that he became lost, suffered and died, even as a saint who forgave and saved people, only to have his own soul saved by a youkai named Naraku. Kikyou questions if it was really SAVED, thinking that there's a sadness coming through this barrier that can't really be explained if mummy-man's soul was really rescued. Hakushin-Shounin admits that he was no saint, something he realized on the verge of his death. Kikyou considers this as the moment when his soul stopped... something. Being assured in its identity as a helper, a savior, someone steadfast that others could count on? Maybe.

I agree with Kikyou - seems suspect as a genuine wish. A little TOO in line with what Naraku wants. 

She predicts that even if he keeps up the fake sacred barrier, his soul won't be savable at this rate. I don't know what keeping up a sacred barrier, much less a FAKE one, has to do with saving his own soul, but I never much understood the concept of "saving souls" to begin with, so maybe that's just my own ignorance speaking honestly. Kikyou wonders aloud if there are ANY of the currently living dead in this world that are tainted just a SMALL amount. Hakushin-Shounin agrees that he must have been tainted and that's what happened to him. Kikyou confides that she too tried to live without doubts or mistakes when she was alive, just like him, to which he scoffs and says he thought that she was also dead. She hangs her head and admits that this is why she feels like she understands his particular brand of suffering a little. Kikyou says that to doubt is to be human, which she supposes is why people want to reach "that peak", what I have to assume is a pinnacle of superhuman ability not to question themselves or their paths. 

Hakushin-Shounin states outright, at last (though still with a little hesitation at the start), that he couldn't become a Buddha. 

No notes.

Hakushin-Shounin remains silent, but his eyes are a bit wider than before, like he's contemplating this very DIFFERENT message than what Naraku had for him. Kikyou asks him to dissolve his personal barrier, and he asks what she'll do when he does. She says she wants to be able to touch his soul. A little creepy of a desire, there, Kikyou. Hakushin-Shounin mumbles about a dead miko wanting to calm his soul, drawing attention to the absurdity of this, but he does, indeed, let down his barrier for her. 

Narrow mist transition panel, with a little rumble in there! Inuyasha is leaping through the caves now, small-fry youkai flying past him in the opposite direction. A sudden powerful reverberation ripples through the stone beneath his feet, and he questions what that thud was. Another, and another pulse through the passageway, and Inuyasha notes with concern that it resembles the beat of a heart. He also realizes, sweating profusely, that every pulse brings Naraku's scent even stronger onto the scene. 

I don't think you're quite caught up to what that MEANS yet, though. 

So, what did I think of this chapter overall? There's an interesting thread of "acceptance" running through this chapter that is a lot crunchier than some of the previous themes that have presented in this comic as a whole. It rings so much clearer and looks so much sharper with its upfront representation. I won't go as far as to say that we're beat over the head with it, but it is pretty up in one's face, so there's almost no ambiguity here.

First, with Jakotsu's final thoughts before his death, he seems to find solace in his use of the opportunity of a second life. As much of Jakotsu's character that is iffy to me (conflation of "gay" with "sadism" to start), I find this aspect of him to be very positive. His attitude is a gratefulness for the experience of resurrection and the ability to do a few more things before going back to oblivion. It's such a massive contrast to Hakushin-Shounin's clinging to a life he didn't get to live, especially considering how much closer Jakotsu seems to be to that tenet of Buddhism of being present in the moment throughout his time in the story. Jakotsu's carefree and laid-back disposition, if not a bit ditzy for the most part, enabled him to go with the flow, even when he was disappointed by not getting to square-off against Inuyasha all the times he wanted to. When he finally got to scratch that itch, his gratefulness for it ended up making his death a noble one, despite how utterly fucked the way he got his kicks was. 

On the other side of this coin, we have Hakushin-Shounin, who is still struggling to reconcile his desire to "live" with his own end. He spent so much of his life before working toward this idea of perfection, as Kikyou pointed out, trying to be steadfast and firm in his dedication to his path, that it was too late when he realized that he wanted a life of his own. When Naraku came to comfort him with the revelation that it was normal for him to feel negativity toward people who didn't seem to give a shit about him or his needs, this didn't actually give him a release, because Naraku just encouraged him to hold onto that negativity. He assumes he's been "saved" from the darkness, but in reality he's just solidified it around him, and continued to feel even more deeply the anguish of a life not lived. And because it's always been his habit to serve others, through and through, he just shifted his servitude from the hated community around Mt. Hakurei to a youkai who fooled him into thinking that it was his own will to fulfill the desires of someone new. Instead of being free to pursue his own existence as it is, he's waiting on a new master. Same shit, different day.

And this is why Kikyou really SHINES here. She's able to relate to Hakushin-Shounin on a level of empathy that NO ONE else can. No matter what truths Naraku is spitting about Hakushin-Shounin's resentment being natural, he's still just like the community surrounding Mt. Hakurei; trying to get something out of Hakushin-Shounin and milk benefits from him. Kikyou on the other hand has genuinely been where Hakushin-Shounin has been, is CURRENTLY where Hakushin-Shounin is, stuck between worlds and fueled by negative emotions. The facts SHE'S spitting are so specific to the both of them and their shared situation, that their commiseration is starting to reveal to Hakushin-Shounin all the stuff that Naraku left OUT of his little speech about how okay it is to hate the people who wronged you - that clinging to anger and resentment prolongs one's suffering and makes it so much worse in the long run. It's a suffering Kikyou understands all too well, lives every day, and she has the experience to truly help Hakushin-Shounin out of his limbo for real. The conversation they have is one of two people on the same level, and while Naraku's sermon to Hakushin-Shounin was giving him PERMISSION to hate before, Kikyou's heart-to-heart with him is more a frank discussion of how they can both help him to let it GO. The feel of it is fundamentally different, like the difference between a superior at work giving advice on how you can be more productive for him and a friend at the office giving advice on how you can relax. Which is why he basically shrugs and gives Kikyou's intimate suggestion a shot. His pain can't get much worse, after all. 

Man, I kind of feel like, in a way, this arc can be boiled down to KIKYOU'S arc. She's by no means the focus for most of it, but she gets so much reflection and nuance throughout it that no other character even comes CLOSE to getting. It's magnificent, and I love it.

Yu-Gi-Oh Manga: 329 Until Our "Ba" Runs Out!

Mine is already down in the gutter, I'll tell you that much. December is already a busier month for pretty much everybody, so the fact that I'm usually run ragged enough that I don't post as much during the holidays as I do the rest of the year is probably not a surprise to anyone. But this year, I was a victim of two seasonal illnesses, a small cold in the first couple of weeks, and then my husband brought home a NASTY flu during Christmas and New Years. As I type, I'm still trying to recover, stuffed up and coughing. It's the first flu I think I've had since... I don't know, 10 years ago? It's been a while, and I had forgotten how absolutely MISERABLE it is, with every day being like entering a new level of Hell like fucking Dante. 

At least HE had company, though. He got to hang with his idol Virgil the whole time. I just get to hang with the cat, who does NOT understand I'm sick and tries to paw me awake whenever she wants me to get up and play with her.

Good thing there are no numbers attached to those gauges, because the hard cold math might make this look even WORSE than it already does.

We get a reiterative panel with basically the same scene as above, except WITHOUT the ba gauges, just taking up space, I suppose. Siamun declares that now is the time they all combine their power with the pharaoh to defeat Zorc Necrophades, which is easy for the guy with the fullest gauge to say. Hey Siamun, maybe you could spend a little of that ba in order to bring out that good ol' forbidden Exodia? Or is this not an option now that NO ONE has a Millennium Item in your group now? I'm still a little unclear about that rule, to be honest. 

Zorc laughs that he can snuff out all their weak souls and lives like you snuff out a candle. Please stop, dude, do you NOT realize how much you're embarrassing yourself? Mahado flies upward wordlessly (at the very least proving he's better than Zorc in that he can manage not to shout weird metaphors and similes every five seconds), and Yami assures him that he's going to fight until his ba runs out. Oooooh, that was ALMOST the title. So close! Mahado agrees, while Mana below implores the spirit that shares her soul give its power to her master. The Dark Magician Girl flies to join the Dark Magician in compliance, eliciting some surprise from... somewhere. Probably Mahado himself, but it's a little difficult to tell.

But if it is him, he gets over it fast.

Aim for the creepy dragon genitalia! That'll put him down!

Some of the soldiers with a view of the semi-distant figures of Mahado and DMG attacking exclaim that they hit Zorc dead-on. But Yami and Siamun at least aren't looking very celebratory in the next panel, gaping in horror at the NON-destroyed dark god. Zorc wiggles his claws under his gaze and says in a somewhat bored manner that the attack burned the tips of his fingers. Dammit. Should have aimed for the dick, guys. Why else is it just hanging out there?

Mahado and DMG adopt similar looks to Yami and Siamun; horrified shock all around. Yami himself internally bemoans that Mahado's greatest attack didn't even faze Zorc. Meanwhile, Zorc sweeps his giant hand to the side across his body, as he says it's now HIS turn to show them what-for. 

I see the burned fingertips aren't inhibiting you in any meaningful way. 

With half of the soldiers bowled over around Yami cradling Shada, and the ones that survived the explosions groaning as they get to their feet, Siamun marvels at Zorc's power. Yami just calls out to Shada, who does not answer, laying there inert in his arms. Yami hangs his head, grunting in his own pain and impotence. 

Akhenaden laughs about there only being two priests left now, but I'm not sure I believe him. After all, Shada hasn't turned to sand yet, so I'm almost expecting him to bounce back at some point. Akhenaden seems to have forgotten that the Inuyasha "it ain't dead unless it's dissolved" rule has been established, though, and continues on to declare that the pharaoh is injured enough that he's not able to summon the god monsters anymore. He asks if they haven't figured out how useless it is to fight against Zorc yet, narrowing down his addressees to just Priest Seto after a moment. 

HOLD UP. When did Priest Seto get his Millennium Rod back? Last I checked, it was in the Millennium Tablet along with the other items. Did... Did I miss a scene somewhere???

Akhenaden muses on how he's seen that shocked look on Priest Seto's face once before, but he probably doesn't really remember it. When Akhenaden first came home with that Millennium Eye in his head, he recalls it was like baby Priest Seto was seeing a monster and was afraid of him. I was under the impression that Akhenaden had kind of cut off contact with his wife and son right AS he went off to create the Millennium Items, but I guess I was mistaken? Anyway, the wide-eyed child and grown versions of Priest Seto are set side-by-side for comparison's sake, and YUP! That sure is the same face of absolute horror he's making!

But Akhenaden protests that he's NOT a monster, he's Priest Seto's FATHER. His mistake is thinking that these are somehow mutually exclusive categories. Definitely not. Priest Seto lays it out pretty plain for him when he readopts his determined face and declares that while once Akhenaden was his master, he's now the ENEMY that serves a dark master himself. He's not at ALL confused about where he stands in this fight. Though Akhenaden tries to assert that he's gained Zorc's shadow power and Priest Seto's ka can no longer even BEGIN to defeat him, Priest Seto is clearly not listening. He says that for his first and last rebellion against Akhenaden, he will defeat him, sending Duos over to do just that on this final syllable. 

Millennium Eye shining, Akhenaden insists that he CANNOT be defeated. 

Isn't it weird that Akhenaden's paternal AFFECTION went away for Priest Seto, but not his MOTIVATIONS? That's super weird, right?

Akhenaden starts lecturing Priest Seto as he's frying him, saying that the pain he feels should be showing him the path he must take, telling him to let his notions of "justice" be destroyed along with his ka. Can someone stop this asshole from having children in his next life, please? No contact with the young'uns in the next 3,000-year cycle, thanks. It's uncertain if Priest Seto even HEARS Akhenaden's wrong-headed lesson over his own screams from the prolonged electrocution.

Priest Seto kneels in the settling dust after the attack subsides, hunched over the ground and still inexplicably clinging to that Millennium Rod he really shouldn't have anymore. Yami and company call to him from a distance in concern, but he doesn't respond, just growling up at Akhenaden. Akhenaden faces Mahado and DMG, imploring Priest Seto to witness his power, as if he didn't JUST get an intimate feel for some of that himself. Then again, when Akhenaden calls for an army of the dead to rise, and armored mummies start popping up through the already roiling sand to do his bidding, grinning fleshless faces gnashing their exposed teeth, I can see how this might be a little bit different to what he was subjecting Priest Seto to earlier. 

Of COURSE there's a zombie army.

But, because the trope wasn't quite so established back in the day, Siamun is shocked by the massive force of corpse soldiers headed for them. Akhenaden giggles that it will destroy them long before they can so much as lay a finger on his precious Zorc. Mahado and DMG spend a moment being dumbfounded by the undead army heading for them, when they can afford it, and then starts firing off Magic Blasts like it's nobody's business. Which, I guess, it isn't. Who am I to tell them how to use their Magic Blasts?

Someone, probably Siamun who stands protectively in front of Yami still cradling Shada, orders their own diminished forces to fall back and protect the pharaoh. Yami himself scoffs, thinking they don't have nearly enough power while living soldiers get slashed left and right by the ghost mummies. Siamun yells to Isis that her Spiria alone can turn the tide of battle, which she acknowledges placidly before he commands her to give the last of her ba to her ruler. Meanwhile, Yami at last lays down Shada on the ground in front of Siamun. 

BTDubz, Shada also has his Millennium Key back, and it is prominently displayed so that Siamun can perform a little speech about he gave it to Shada as his successor but needs to repossess it now. Why the Millennium Items have suddenly shown back up in the hands of the good guys is now a bit clearer. Siamun lifts the Millennium Key from Shada's unconscious form and wonders if it will still lend its power to this old man. Then his thoughts shift abruptly to just precisely what I mentioned before, Exodia, what Siamun described as the Demon God of the Palace. 

That's all we need. More demon gods. 

The battlefield is busy with flying mummy soldiers darting every which way and living men trying to fight them off.

Ugh, I wouldn't have been able to put up any fight against Akhenaden taking me away either. Of course, in my case, it's just because I'm still a tad bit feverish with flu.

Akhenaden teleports Priest Seto to the palace, several buildings of which are crumbling with all the calamity going on in the ground. Priest Seto looks downright devastated with the palace's ongoing destruction as he looks up at it, exclaiming is despair and fear that it's collapsing. Akhenaden tells him that it's about to disappear under the sand, destroyed along with the whole of this world - which, being a game world, was kind of inevitable to begin with no matter what. But Akhenaden seems to think that some form of it will continue, saying that Zorc Necrophades's awakening will "purify" all and birth a new world of shadows. 

HEY! What did I tell you about terrible metaphors? Knock it off, my head's throbbing too hard for this!

The horror on Priest Seto's face intensifies, and with it, Akhenaden claims to know what it was that passed through his mind to cause this reaction. As Priest Seto struggles to stand and the buildings continue to crumble around him, Akhenaden asserts (whether just internally or not, I'm not certain) that Priest Seto is thinking of the "power" he left behind inside. Priest Seto himself identifies this "power" by her fucking NAME at least, Kisara, before starting to run off. He's given pause when Akhenaden states flatly that there's nothing he can do, and he freezes for a second to listen to Akhenaden callously assert that Kisara will die, and he'll get that awesome cool power of hers.

All that's missing from that picture is the steam issuing from his overheating brain. 

So, what did I think of this chapter overall? I went back to look at previous chapters and noticed that the last chapter showed the Millennium Items back with their former wielders in a few select panels, and I just didn't notice until now. I must have overlooked it in the last chapter due to illness and the general stress of the holidays, so I assumed I must have overlooked the scene or the panel that showed the characters getting back their items and did a quick glance over the last ten to fifteen chapters so see if I could find it. Unfortunately, my search came up empty, and I'm hoping anyone reading might be able to point me in the right direction. I'd hate to think the priests and Yami just magically got those important artifacts back due to plot convenience, even though I COULD see this hole in the narrative completely slipping KT's mind in the midst of illness. While I'm VERY empathetic, especially right now, it does cause my story brain to itch something AWFUL. 

I might be susceptible to think that the Millennium Items returned to the priests and pharaoh during Yuugi's duel with asshole!Bakura, because short as it was, it would have allowed enough time for the good guys to gain at least that much ground back. But I keep bumping up against the question of how and WHY the version of asshole!Bakura up at the table would have allowed that to happen. He's had such tight control of the game thus far, pulled so many questionable moves in order to GET the items in the first place. I'm not sure I can buy that he'd let his opposition get the Millennium Items when they afford even the SMALLEST advantage of being able to summon monsters from the shrine. Sure, the shrine is no doubt crumbling to dust, but I'm still skeptical that he wouldn't just hold onto the Millennium Items out of pure SPITE. It just doesn't make much sense on a few levels, including that of character.

Because I was reminded above through Akhenaden's special attention to Priest Seto that asshole!Bakura is willing to ignore a relationship if it might hold back his pawn... until that relationship and the motivations that come with can manifest in such a way as to help his ends. This is by no means a bad thing, I actually very much like how Akhenaden's relationship with Priest Seto was able to be exploited in an interesting way by asshole!Bakura, and it's very much believable. But unless letting the priests and Yami have back their Millennium Items can ALSO be exploited in a clever way, it's always going to look more like a cringe-worthy oversight to me than just something I wasn't there to witness.

That's of course assuming I'm not just completely missing where the Millennium Items went back where they were before even though it's right in front of me. It's entirely possible at this point. I'm a little loopy right now, not gonna lie.