Yu-Gi-Oh Manga: 083 Swords of Light

All the Star Wars jokes I'm itching to make throughout this chapter seem like such easy targets. Even easier a target than the Frank Sinatra jokes I made a while back, because I recognize that a significant portion of the audience for this blog probably would be too young to know who Sinatra even was. But Star Wars, with its recent revival, is even now a hot topic, and I'm but a lowly internet snarker pissing on Japanese comics.

Of COURSE I'm going to succumb to my baser instincts and make those comparisons.

Yes! Behold young Skywalker!

The superfluous asshole is upset that his precious cover of darkness has been lifted, and his mouth hangs open in a silent scream. Yami smugs about how he's turned on the lights and there's nowhere for his ugly-ass monsters to hide now. The superfluous asshole has nothing but a "guh" to say in response, and Yami reminds him that the game is over in two more turns. They stare each other down across the table.

Yami says that the swords prevent the superfluous asshole's monsters from moving for three turns, including for attacks. ESPECIALLY for attacks, Yami. He asks the superfluous asshole what he plans on doing now. Growling, the superfluous asshole thinks that Yami is going to attack his helpless monsters next turn, but the only monster Yami has is the dragon, still in defense on Yami's side of the table.

He also reasons that since he has three very powerful monsters on his side of the table, though they're trapped by the swords, Yami can't attack with his lowly Curse of Dragon without killing himself. He thinks it's laughable that Yami is sitting there telling him his has two turns left in the face of those odds. Except he's not laughing, but grimacing at this point. Yami is the one who's smirking, telling the superfluous asshole to hurry and draw a card.

The superfluous asshole draws his card with a scoff, and mentally reminds himself not to let down his guard for the possibility that Yami will play a more powerful card on his next turn. When he looks at the card he drew, his attitude brightens, telling Yami that his cards are on his side because he can't be touched the next two turns. He slaps down the Yellow Luster Shield, which is the first thing he plays Yami reacts to it with open-mouthed disbelief.

Well that appears to be a setback for Yami, who mentally assesses how the superfluous asshole managed to cast the powerful shield effect on the whole group under his castle. Every one of the cards affected have an increased defense now. The superfluous asshole laughs about how Yami can't scratch him as long as the shield is in play. He asks if Yami still believes he can be beat in two turns, but Yami just glares in response.

Outside the booth, Anzu wonders aloud what Yami can do. Mai thinks about how the defensive playstyle of the superfluous asshole has managed to shatter their illusions that he was made effectively vulnerable. The defensiveness doesn't seem to me a playstyle as much as being backed into a corner, though, Mai. Still, she classifies Yami as an offensive player, which is definitely fair, given how offensive that vision of the man walking to the gallows was. Mai wonders how Yami will break through the tight defenses of his opponent, not being able to rush headlong into combat.

The superfluous asshole giggles and declares that it's Yami's move, and is shocked when Yami points at him, asking if he doesn't realize he's revealed his own weakness. Oooooh, spill, Yami! He says he's been analyzing the way the superfluous asshole can't make a move without making sure he's safe first since the beginning of their match. The superfluous asshole is indignant that he should be called a coward, and dares Yami to do it again. Yami does just that, claiming that the superfluous asshole cowers in the dark and hides behind a shield when that dark is taken away. He even goes to far as to surmise that the superfluous asshole doesn't have any fucking balls!!

Pegasus probably fixed him and all his buddies to ensure that those superfluous assholes didn't start humping everyone's leg the moment they enter the castle. Headcanon.

Anyway, Yami says he's really not surprised that the superfluous asshole managed to beat all those other duelists when he ambushed them in their beds and forced them into a non-con duel. The superfluous asshole grinds his teeth, threatening to kill Yami again. Yami wants to tell him something else before that, though, and that's the fact that Yami actually expected him to use a shield. Must have just been surprised that it was THAT particular shield, then. The superfluous asshole is beside himself with bug-eyed surprise.

Pointing again, Yami declares that the superfluous asshole will die in two turns and can't escape that fate. The superfluous asshole refuses to believe that will happen. It's not true! It's impossible!!! Yami draws another card after announcing it's his turn again. He plays Gaia and turns over a face down card he put down earlier.

The dragon-riding Gaia is back, baby!

The superfluous asshole mentally denies that Yami's claim to victory on his next turn could be possible. The dragon knight's power is still only 2600 after fusion, and there's no way it could take out all of the enemy monsters. The superfluous asshole tries really hard to convince himself that Yami is just trying to scare him with a bluff, repeating this like a mantra while Yami smirks at him from across the table.

Goodness, is he a grown man or a trembling chihuahua? He questions why Yami is smiling if it's all just a bluff, but ultimately decides it doesn't matter. If he can survive Yami's next attack, the next turn should get rid of those pesky swords of light, and then he can just turn off his shield and hit Yami with all he's got. However, just to be safe, he decides he should up his defense another level.

The EPITOME of pathetic. Seriously, there's defending yourself, and then there's locking yourself in a cage to avoid being mauled by a lion you repeatedly poked with a frikkin stick.

Yami says that the weakness it must take to be all-consumed with the thought of blocking attacks is too much for words. The superfluous asshole calls Yami a fool, because he's preparing to kick ass with everything he's got once he survives Yami's next turn. Yami tells him it's far too late to be planning after his turn, because he's got his net around the superfluous asshole. The superfluous asshole grits his teeth, asking how that can be so. Yami tells him that security can be a trap in itself when it cuts off all escape.

What did I say about locking yourself in a cage to avoid mauling??

Yami announces it's his turn, and the last turn. He draws a card and plays Catapult Turtle, close relative of the Mine Turtle.

Well, your castle is officially under siege, superfluous asshole. What now? Apparently the superfluous asshole doesn't get it yet, and tells Yami it's useless to aim for his monsters with their layers of protection, especially the Metal Guardian, which could stop the turtle all by itself. Yami informs him that he wasn't going to aim for the monsters. The superfluous asshole sweats as Yami reveals his REAL target.

I don't know, dude, you've been pretty wrong about damn near everything so far. Forgive me if I don't take your word for it.

Yami calls out the attack, and launches Gaia into the air. It shatters the castle's outer wall in a direct hit. Yami says that Gaia didn't survive his launch, and that the sacrifice cost him half the monster's attack points. The ring around the castle crumbles away, much to the superfluous asshole's horror. However when he sees this is the ONLY thing crumbling, he starts laughing. The superfluous asshole Says that the floatation ring around the castle is gone, but the castle itself is fine, which means to him not that the castle will inevitably fall, but that Yami didn't manage to fulfill his promise of beating him that turn.

Oh, to be THAT stupid....

Yami just frowns at him, so the superfluous asshole says that it's his turn, calling out an attack and announcing that the swords of light disappear at this moment in quick succession. Is he aware of how little time he has here, or is all this riding on the breath he was holding during Yami's last turn? Anyway, he tells Yami to just freaking die, but Yami doesn't look worried with his smirk back in place.

The superfluous asshole wonders what he's laughing about this time, and Yami asks him if he doesn't yet realize why the castle is still in the air despite that floatation ring being gone. The superfluous asshole's eyes bug out yet again as Yami reveals that he played the Swords of Revealing Light for another purpose than seeing his ugly monsters.

This is what you get for being superfluous and not inquisitive!

Harsh, bro. Of course, once the castle falls on top of the monsters, the superfluous asshole's not mourning them so much as those life points that all headed for the hills where the monsters couldn't. They couldn't stand being around that superfluous fucker.

Yami stands up, third Eye of Horus glowing on his forehead again, telling the superfluous asshole to get himself ready. He points and declares a penalty game, and the superfluous asshole screams in response.

Oh boy. The pointless heart-to-hearts with villains who can't hear you are back. Yaaaaaaaay.

So, what did I think of this chapter overall? I was excited to see that Yami was visibly shocked by something in this duel, but disappointed that it turned out to be yet another failure at understanding the concept of a red herring. Yami can't be surprised by something one moment and have been expecting it the next, because it just doesn't work like that. Now, if Yami had never seen the Yellow Luster Shield before and acknowledged it as a super rare or expensive card at some point, that would have been sufficient to explain his face at that point. But having no explanation for why he was shocked before when he was apparently waiting for a shield the entire time?

I'm starting to think we're dealing with some sort of quantum Yami that could be in either one of two different states of emotion at the same time, but for the sake of the model we'll assume he's both surprised and not surprised simultaneously.

It's Schrodinger's Yami, guys!