Yu-Gi-Oh Manga: 086 The Secret Weapon

The thing about secret weapons is they're not secrets anymore if you immediately share them with people as soon as you come across them. Kaiba has been blabbing nonstop about shit since he woke up, and now he's about to outright SHOW everyone in the vicinity his new system that's supposed to serve the purpose of tripping Pegasus up. Sure, these are people he knows, but so were Baldie and that pilot guy, and they were prepared to fucking dump his body in the ocean.

Seriously, how can Kaiba be so trusting of ANYONE at this point, let alone people he literally tried to murder a year ago? They would have more reason than anyone to use information he gives them against him. He's supposed to be a genius, so why is he so fucking STUPID???

Oh yeah, he's also vain as fuck. That explains it.

He has a fair basis for being so, though, because all of the bystanders to this event are awed by how alive the holographic monsters  really look. Kaiba reiterates in his head that this is his secret weapon against Pegasus and his mind-reading powers across a table. Kaiba's strategy here is to counteract those and stay out of range with his fancy portable machine.

Staring open-mouthed at the holograms and the spinning disks that created them, Yuugi wonders just how it all works. As though reading minds himself, Kaiba laughs his douchey laugh as he says that Kaiba Corp developed these machines using the latest technology, and that the patent is pending, because that's funny, haha! A diagram of the device shows the various card stages on it, with the main one on top and four around the edge. Holding out a hand dramatically, Kaiba blurts a whole slew of technobabble about how the V-2 emulator containing Duel Disk can hold up to 5 cards, and the hyper 3D engine reads the microchips in the cards.

These cards have MICROCHIPS?? The game really IS built around the holograms!!! What the BALLS???

Jonouchi admits to not knowing what ANY of Kaiba's technobabble means, but he thinks it sounds like he's fighting instant cup ramen. What? There is no explanation for this weird line, because we instantly move on to a battle phase!

It's probably pretty hard to disembowel an opponent with an axe, so Kaiba's monster settles for swinging down its "Axe Crusher" attack that Kaiba calls out. Since his lizard didn't immediately die, Jonouchi thinks that it's safe, having those handy armor scales to protect it. Kaiba tells him that he's a fool because the armor scales don't matter when the Battle Ox has more attack points. He shouts at the ox to take Jonouchi down, and the lizard is eventually flipped and defeated by decapitation. Jonouchi's points go down to 1800 and he laments the loss of his Armored Lizard.

Someone points out that Jonouchi's losing card is being flicked out of the Duel Disk and Jonouchi runs to retrieve it. Yuugi tells him to just get it later, as if it's not in danger of blowing away or getting damaged. Yuugi, why don't you go get it for him so those things don't happen, hm? Anzu calls Jonouchi cheap, and I'm wondering why she's forgotten how fucking dirt-poor he is because of his father's gambling and alcoholism. Seriously, way to be callous and uncaring, girl.

Kaiba instructs Jonouchi to pull the Duel Disk back on the wire when he loses a card, and Jonouchi does so with a question as to whether or not he's doing this right.

I guess Jonouchi is good with yoyos, in the generic up-and-down-motion way. Unless he practiced those tricks he wanted to learn way back when Hirutani was threatening him nonthreateningly with his gang's yoyos a while ago.

Anyway, Jonouchi presents his next card, the Flame Swordsman, and puts it on his disk before spinning it out in front of him with the declaration that the Battle Ox is going down. His friends stare, mumbling that maybe that card could work. The swordsman and ox go up against one another, and as ax and sword collide, Jonouchi is already cheering that the match is his along with his long-winded attack. Yuugi suddenly remembers that the Battle Ox has a resistance to fire, and therefore the Flame Swordsman's attack will go down by 300 points.

THANK YOU. Finally a satisfactory rule about how resistance and advantages work against monsters with stronger attack points! I've been waiting for that FOREVER.

Anzu looks a bit worried while she encourages Jonouchi not to give up, but Honda isn't nearly as gentle when he asks if there's any way Jonouchi can beat Kaiba. Thanks for that vote of confidence, dick. Yuugi just says Jonouchi's name like he's dying or something.

Kaiba asks if Jonouchi holds the "Worst Duelist" title, but assures Jonouchi that he's not going to take his star chips because Kaiba's doing this match as a sort of exhibition. He DOES promise to shatter Jonouchi's glass confidence until nothing remains of it, though. Awfully nice of him to leave the star chips and not the will to collect more. Everyone is a dick.

Jonouchi grits his teeth and growls while Kaiba pulls back his Duel Disk and catches it, drawling that the game is getting a bit boring. Smirking, Kaiba tells Jonouchi that he'll be playing two new cards this turn in order to power up his ox and show Jonouchi the difference in skill level between them. I guess this is him doing that overkill on Jonouchi's confidence, huh? He takes the cards Polymerization and Mystic Horseman and sets them down on his disk, thinking he's awfully clever for combining the Minotaur and centaur from Greek myth. Whatever, Kaiba.

He spins the Disk out to show off his new hybrid of mythical creatures, with increased speed and better stats. Yuugi thinks that the Duel Disk makes it easier for Kaiba to play combos with the new fusion cards he's added to his deck. How? How is playing combos on a machine any easier than just laying the cards down in the duel box? I just... I don't...

Jonouchi is growling about Kaiba thinking he's SO SMART before throwing his Disk again, shouting that he'll never forgive that smug son of a bitch. He played a "Swamp Battleguard" while shouting that he won't forget about Death-T, which I'm guessing isn't good enough to beat the minocentaur. I called it, because Kaiba tells his Rabid Horseman to get after the battleguard, and it chops up Jonouchi's monster no problem.

Sweating, Jonouchi pulls out another card to try, but Kaiba tells him he's a fool who can't win with cards like his.

Kaiba laughs, asking Jonouchi why he doesn't just give up as Jonouchi slumps on the ground. Jonouchi pants that he can't win because Kaiba's just too strong. Throw that machine away and punch Kaiba in the face, dude. Anzu and Bakura shout at him to hang in there, but I don't know if that does any good at this point. Still, Yuugi joins their encouragement parade, followed closely by Mai who asks him if he isn't ashamed. She yells at Jonouchi to stand and fight because she hates seeing him like this. Then she covers her mouth and blushes wondering what she's saying. Don't get too carried away, lady - he's still way younger than you.

Jonouchi twists around to tell her to shut her trap, because he doesn't want to hear that crap from her. He's on his feet again, though, and he says he's not giving up because the duel's not over, so that's something at least. He draws a card and looks at it.

Yeah! Suck on it, Kaiba! Actually, Kaiba DOES seem to be surprised by this card's appearance, staring with wide eyes at it. Yuugi tells Jonouchi he can do it, because even though the dragon fights with fire, its attack is so much higher than the minocentaur that it can beat it anyway. Jonouchi shouts that he's about to attack, and the dragon shoots a fire bullet right at the fusion monster, taking it out with a snide comment of "take that".

Jonouchi cheers and his friends join in, and even Kaiba smirks as his life points go down to 1600, thinking that the attack counts as a scratch. Wow, if you dig deep enough, he DOES have some humility! As long as he's not saying it out loud or anything. That fleeting glimpse is gone the moment after Jonouchi asks him how he likes them apples, and Kaiba pulls back his Duel Disk as he mocks Jonouchi for being so happy about winning one little round. He tells Jonouchi he really is the world's weakest duelist, as well as a moron. Extreme close-up on Jonouchi's narrowed eyes to show us how royally pissed he is at these insults.

Kaiba claims to have been saving a card that can beat Jonouchi's at any point; the one Yuugi just gave back to him. Jonouchi looks like he's about to shit his pants and Yuugi is already staring in awe of about what's to come.

Which one is this one? Michael Buble?

The Blue Eyes White Dragon destroys the Red Eyes Black Dragon in one go, even managing to KNOCK JONOUCHI RIGHT ON HIS ASS. How is a hologram able to accomplish THAT? Instead of asking THIS question, Yuugi is asking if Jonouchi is alright. He and the rest of Jonouchi's friends run to his side to help him up. He rises to a sitting position, hanging his head, and his life points have gone down to zero. He realizes he's lost.

Kaiba, you beat JONOUCHI here. I don't think that's the best indicator that you are the most qualified to beat Pegasus too. Just saying.

So, what did I think of this chapter overall? While I got one explanation that I was waiting for a long time, there are so many other questions brought up by this chapter that I feel like I shouldn't be asking. Did Pegasus only start putting microchips in his cards after Kaiba pitched his virtual reality Solid Vision system? If that's so, how would Yuugi's older Exodia cards have worked with the brand new duel booth systems in Death-T? How would they work now? How much more expensive would microchipped cards be, and why are holograms able to knock people over??

All of this sounds super cool when you're not thinking about it, but when you are, there are a whole LOT of problems that you can spot. I'm not even a deep or genius thinker, believe me, and I had no trouble questioning how ANY of this could possibly work.

Also, Kaiba's attitude gave me whiplash during this chapter. I understand his wavering between delight at finally getting to use his new device and trash-talk to Jonouchi, but it was a bit jarring the way it was presented. This is part of the reason I appreciated that moment in which Kaiba admitted in his head that Jonouchi gave him a noticeable blow - it was an in-between moment where Kaiba acknowledges this isn't a serious game and he's just showing off.

Maybe a couple more of those moments where he wasn't being either cruel or helpful would have toned down the strange juxtaposition.