Yu-Gi-Oh Manga: 110 Toons Attack!

I received an email a couple of days ago, informing me that today is a very important day. A very auspicious day, according to a character guide for this manga world. And how lucky am I, to be able to cover a chapter featuring the character that this day celebrates the birth of. I'm talking, of course, about Seto Kaiba's birthday, which I am recognizing with some confusion. I mean, I can understand why KT would come up with this information as part of an authorial process, just to know everything about the character he was creating. But... what use does anyone ELSE have for this information? Why was it published in a book? Why would I ever need to know that Kaiba is just over 6 foot tall, or that he's 150ish pounds (the skinny fucking bastard), or that his blood type is 'A'? It doesn't appear to have any bearing on the story, but, you know... good for him?

So, Mr. Kaiba, with many shrugs, I present to you this birthday gift: a series of Who Framed Roger Rabbit jokes at the expense of your opponent in this duel. I was going to make them anyway, but I may as well relabel them for the occasion. Happy birthday, you magnificent son of a bitch.

GREAT! Can it get rid of that book that's disallowing your attacks? No? Well, fuck you, then.

The audience crowding the banister above are in awe that Kaiba drew another of his Blue Eyes White Dragons so he can have one too. Recapper!Yuugi says that Kaiba realized Pegasus could read his mind and threw away his hand, risking everything on a card he knew nothing about that turned out to be his BEST card. Mai laughs that reading minds is totally fake, and she would know, but Bakura insists that it's true that the American has ESP. Jonouchi is still focused on the match below, saying it's Kaiba's dragon against the American toon dragon.

Why are they focusing so hard on the fact that Pegasus is American? Does this have ANY bearing on ANYTHING?

Yuugi thinks at Kaiba to be careful, because he thinks Toon World is unlike anything he's ever seen. I guess you missed La Jinn's lamp, then. He insists that it has to have more hidden powers. I'm sure he's right about this, at least.

Is it just me, or does the toon Blue Eyes look like I wants to fuck the shit out of the regular one?

Pegasus congratulates Kaiba for his lucky draw, being the lucky boy he is. It is, after all, his birthday. Kaiba isn't in the best mood, though, because he's yelling that he'll never forgive Pegasus for turning his proud dragon into such a joke. Pegasus smirks in response to this as Kaiba takes his turn to attack. The toon dragon isn't taking the Burst Stream Kaiba's Blue Eyes White Dragon is aiming at it, giggling behind a raised claw.

Jonouchi shouts that since their attack points are even, it should mean that both dragons are dead, but Pegasus silently chuckles that they should see the power of his toons. As the Burst Stream comes at the toon dragon, it starts to bend at the middle.

What's the point of the book, then?

Sweat at his temple, Kaiba gapes at how the toon dragon evaded the attack, while Jonouchi unnecessarily reiterates that the opposing monster stretched like a cartoon. WE KNOW, JONOUCHI. Kaiba growls, watching the toon dragon sing a mocking tune while it turns it's tail toward him. It's tip turns into a hand that wags a finger at Kaiba, much like the Dark Magician did in his previous match with Yami. Kaiba just keeps getting sass from these cards.

Pegasus throws out some statistics about how, in 583 episodes, Bulldog Police fired over 26,000 bullets at Funny Bunny and the rabbit was never hit once. He characterizes this as a miracle, but I'm pretty sure that's by design. You don't get 583 episodes if the main character dies from a gunshot wound in the first. Unless, of course, you're doing some avant garde supernatural drama or some shit.

Anyway, Pegasus says that every card he plays on the table will become a perfect toon that can't die as long as he has his Toon World card active.

Too true.

Kaiba is burning and growling with rage while the toon dragon cackles next to its cool book world. Yuugi worries about the toons being invulnerable, and Jonouchi grumbles that Pegasus is a fucking hack game designer because his Toon World card is so overpowered. Jonouchi clearly missed the point of Pegasus using it, which DEPENDS on it being overpowered.

Mai asks Yuugi if he's familiar with toon cards, because she's never heard of them before, and Yuugi admits he's never seen them before. He says this card isn't even available to the wider public, and is a special one made just for Pegasus's use. Jonouchi talks about how rare that card is to be the only one in the world, Anzu talks about what a cheater cheater pumpkin eater Pegasus is, and Keith hangs out off to the side, looking pretty disturbed by what he's seeing and hearing. He mentally curses Pegasus for how nothing will be able to beat Toon World, gritting his teeth.

Pegasus announces it's his turn to a cross-armed frowning Kaiba on the other side of the table, his discarded hand still sitting at his elbow. Pegasus looks at his cards while thinking about Kaiba abandoning his hand in the effort to stop his opponent from knowing what he was going to do, drawing cards spontaneously from his deck, but he's underestimating the Mind Scan and that won't save him. Assembling decks makes players memorize every card, even if only subconsciously, and this lets Pegasus know every card in Kaiba's deck anyway, allowing him to devise strategies against them all no matter which one Kaiba draws. Pegasus is convinced that Kaiba's defeat is written/drawn in Toon World.

So, he lays down another card augmenting that original book card, urging it to tell a new story. The card is Shine Palace, and the book flips open to a pop-up hologram that shows exactly what's on the tin. Kaiba gapes at this brand new page he's seeing, and Pegasus informs him that the world of toons is infinite, the book being a mere gateway to it.

I guess that tunnel Eddie Valient went through was to somewhere else.

However you get into a land of toons, Pegasus is sure to make it work for him and him alone.

Kaiba is not liking this gun-show, it seems. As Toon Burst Stream comes barreling toward his dragon, a sweating growling Kaiba turns over a card he apparently played face down. At some point. Why don't I remember this? It's Negate Attack, which makes the Toon Burst Stream disappear into a weird vortex before it can get to the Blue Eyes White Dragon.

Yuugi is stoked that Kaiba managed to block Pegasus's attack, as the toon dragon gives an over-the-top expression of shock to the other dragon. In the background, Kaiba looks for all the world like he's constipated. A smirking Pegasus thinks he of course knew that Kaiba had that card, but its effect only lasts for one attack, and he won't be able to avoid the toon dragon's attack forever.

Kaiba announces it's his turn again, but sweat is really starting to run down his face now. He knows that if the toon dragon attacks again, it will kill his own dragon, and then it'll all be over. Kaiba draws a card, claiming to stake his and Mokuba's fate on it.

Wow, this boy isn't doing half bad, is he? Kaiba declares that even Pegasus's stupid rubbery dragon can't get out of those chains, and proceeds to command his REAL Blue Eyes White Dragon to Burst Stream the shit out of that imposter across the way. The Blue Eyes Toon Dragon explodes, and Pegasus's points drop to 1200. So CLOSE to evening that score.

Kaiba mentally claims to have put his dragon out of its misery because he can't allow it to exist as a pathetic toon. In that case, KT, I guess that explains why you didn't put Kaiba's pathetic toon life to an end in the last duel, huh? I'm sure that's DIFFERENT though.

Yuugi cheers about Kaiba defeating Pegasus's toon dragon, and even Pegasus praises Kaiba on his good mind. He tells Kaiba that he felt the love for the Blue Eyes White Dragon the boy has, and takes it as the greatest compliment to his the cards and game he's created. Should Kaiba take it as a compliment that you're rummaging around in his brain and groping at his heart some more? Again, I guess that's DIFFERENT.

Pegasus says it's his turn, drawing a card. Pegasus smiles and thinks Kaiba's love of the Blue Eyes White Dragon will lead to his defeat, because his next card is the Dragon Capture Jar that Yuugi warned about at the beginning of the duel.

Who else saw that coming?

Pegasus informs Kaiba that his jar gains the defense points of the dragon locked inside it amidst growling from Kaiba, who wonders if Pegasus is going to use his dragon as a pawn yet again. Drawing a new card with the declaration that it's his turn again, Kaiba knows he has to destroy the jar before that happens. He's not even CONSIDERING the possibility that Pegasus is trying to make him focus on keeping the Blue Eyes White Dragon out of his opponent's hands and let the rest of the match fall by the wayside, is he? This kid needs some perspective.

Kaiba doesn't like his draw, but has to do something with it anyway, considering he's only relying on one card at a time rather than a whole hand. He sets down Sword Stalker in defense. It's Pegasus's turn again, and once he draws his card, and places it in his hand, he plays one card face down and another monster called Dragon Piper in defense. This is the "Jar Genie" that Yuugi is familiar with from his and Pegasus's last match, shocked to see it again. A panel on both of them shows their low attack points and high defenses.

Pondering the jar and the piper, Kaiba wonders if Pegasus plans to draw the Blue Eyes White Dragon from the jar and turn it to team Pegasus. How would he know what that card does? I thought Pegasus told Yuugi/Yami that it was brand new last time it was used? Pegasus confirms Kaiba's suspicions nonetheless, telling him that the Blue Eyes White Dragon will become his own monster and therefore a pathetic toon, as Kaiba put it before. Kaiba vows never to let that happen through clenched teeth, promising to crush the dragon piper first.

I thought the Sword Stalker was in defense? Did he switch it into attack without anyone noticing? Is he allowed to attack JUST after switching the monster to attack? These aren't facetious questions, I'm seriously confused.

Pegasus whips out the spell card Doppelganger, otherwise known as Copy Cat, which Kaiba notes with shock. Since it can mimic into any card Kaiba's has played in the game so far, Pegasus chooses the virus card and attaches it to the Dragon Piper. Kaiba's confoundment only amplifies at this, alarmed that he can't stop Sword Stalker mid swing. It completes its hit, and Pegasus smirks at how the destruction of Kaiba's whole deck is beginning. He tells Kaiba to prepare to die by his own card, but Kaiba is hardly listening, dumbfounded by the fact that all his cards with 1500 or more attack points are unusable.

Since Kaiba's deck is almost made up entirely of high-level monsters, Pegasus figures Kaiba has lost all his fighting power with that one trap. Yuugi freaks out, because even if he's still got life points, Kaiba doesn't stand a chance without his monsters, and has therefore lost. Kaiba himself sits in stunned silence, watching the wisps of virtual smoke rising from his decimated deck. He draws a card, which he thinks is the only one he has left. With Monster Reborn, he haltingly brings back his Saggi the Clown card, hanging his head. Boy doesn't even have the gumption to threaten suicide this time around, although that's probably because he knows PEGASUS wouldn't give a shit if he went through with it.

Pegasus compliments Kaiba on his courage to play the duel out to its bitter conclusion, which Pegasus is planning to bring about during his next attack by taking out Saggi.

I just... I don't... these reprehensible fuckers are so good at making me feel bad for them! DAMMIT!

Looks like I'm not the only one, either. Although, it must be rough for him too, to be saying goodbye to the only person who has ever even TRIED to consider him a friend.

So, what did I think of this chapter overall? I have to admit, KT has pulled a really awesome trick here with Kaiba. He must have had to delve REALLY deep into Kaiba's character in order to find something sympathetic about him just to be able to continue writing him in a somewhat positive light, and it has me swinging back and forth like a fucking PENDULUM between hate and a desire to give him a big hug. He managed to balance out Kaiba's asshole traits with some discernible likeability because of his love for and desire to help his brother, and it's got me all kind of twisted up inside. He's still the rudest, most dickish piece of shit in this comic, but his personality doesn't cancel out the weight of his situation. It's a rock and a hard place that a snide attitude and emotional manipulation won't get him out of.

And you'll note that he dropped both of these very quickly while dueling with Pegasus. I was only half-kidding when I said he wasn't threatening suicide because he knew it wouldn't give him an edge over Pegasus. In fact, it would only sweeten Pegasus's pot, because Kaiba's death would only make it easier to take over the company. He knew he was up against someone much more powerful than him, and he axed the directly insulting part of his dialogue accordingly, only acting outraged on behalf of his dragon as the closest he would ever get to treating Pegasus with similar irreverence that he would use against Yuugi and company. Hell, THAT particular irreverence bit the dust too, because Kaiba's goodbye to Yuugi seemed like a genuine farewell that really spoke to the fact that, though he doesn't consider them friends, Yuugi is the closest thing to one he has right now, surrounded so entirely by enemies. It's a humanizing line that sticks a fork in Kaiba's transformation as a character.

I'm guessing the authorial process details above helped out with that quite a bit. Maybe if I look super close at Kaiba's favorite food (beef fillet, apparently), it'll give me just as much insight into how he can make me want to strangle him and hug him intermittently.

Nah, that's stupid.