YuYu Hakusho Manga: 13 Qualifications for a Girlfriend!

Ah, lucky 13 has graced us with an eye-roll worthy title this time. I was hoping for another high-stakes spooky one to reflect the season, but no, we're apparently interviewing potential girlfriends. Do people even APPLY to be a girlfriend? These days, who really knows? From what I hear, the dating scene is getting pretty wild. With dating apps trying to keep their users addicted to their product, young people getting information from older generations that just doesn't apply anymore, and a distinct nostalgia for "traditional" relationship models, there's a lot of confusion out there. Given this is an older manga, no doubt very little of that could apply here, but maybe there's some prototype for the current issues reflected in this one. 

I am. Hopefully she isn't too scarred from that terrifying experience a few chapters back...

Sayaka asks who Keiko is, and Botan responds that she's Yusuke's girlfriend, for which statement she gets a bonk on the head from Yusuke's fist. She yells at him that this hurt, demanding to know what's with him, and he insists that Keiko is a FRIEND, advising Botan not to overstate the relationship. As Sayaka looks serious for a moment, then says she wants to see Keiko, and Botan is down. She asks how Yusuke feels about it, and he responds that they can go for it, implying that he's not interested in going himself. They are in each other's faces, furious, Botan asking Yusuke if he's really not coming, and Yusuke answering in the affirmative. It's a very strange exchange, and one that is entirely pointless.

Sayaka watches a laughing Keiko contemplatively from next to Botan, both of them sitting on the oar. Yusuke is floating in a lounging position behind them, having come anyway, big surprise. 

After a moment of silence, Sayaka asks who Botan thinks is prettier, Keiko or her. *SIGH* Here we go, I guess. Botan makes a dumbfounded noise, so Sayaka asks again which of them is prettier. Sweatdropping, Botan waffles about not really having a perspective on these subjective LIVING WORLD matters, recognizing immediately that they have trouble, with Sayaka developing a crush on Yusuke. 

As she glances at him, Sayaka goes to HIM to ask who he thinks is prettier, and after a questioning noise much like the one Botan gave, his answer is QUITE different. Yusuke says that it's no contest - Sayaka is prettier - while an arrow above Yusuke's head assigns him the label of "irresponsible idiot". Sayaka grins, asking for further confirmation, and Yusuke obliges, calling her a bright and shiny spirit while Keiko is just a girl, and there's really no comparison. This shit is already going to Sayaka's head, and in a very underhanded way, she acknowledges that Keiko IS spretty. Not like HER, of course, but in her own, living, better than average way. 

But Yusuke still isn't done pumping up Sayaka's ego at Keiko's expense. He asks if she's kidding, then squishes his face in with a hand on each cheek, calling it Keiko's "lecture face", which is the only one he ever saw. He quotes her bossily demanding he get his butt to school, while Botan shouts at him not to dig himself in TOO DEEP. For real, dude, do you want this kid to eventually move the fuck on to Heaven or WHAT?? How is she going to do that if she's sticking by him like a lovesick puppy?

Botan tries to explain to Sayaka that Yusuke is a boy, and mushy stuff embarrasses him, so he's unwilling to admit it, but he does REALLY like Keiko a lot. Sayaka lets out a disappointed sound. Again, Yusuke and Botan are in each other's faces, the former asking less than politely for the latter to shut her yap, and the latter asking if he's saying she's wrong. Arms crossed, Sayaka has come to the conclusion that she's not getting a straight answer on this. She's resolved to settle the thing herself, put Keiko to the test, and see if she's WORTHY of Yusuke.

*SIGH*

Yusuke asks for clarification on her little declaration, and Sayaka explains that if Keiko is going to be his girlfriend, she has to be someone who she can respect. She flies off, Yusuke asking what she's up to. Botan begins her explanation by telling him that death sure didn't cure him of stupidity. I don't know why anyone would expect death to cure anyone of ANYTHING, but okay. Botan goes on to tell Yusuke that a big brother Sayaka has just discovered - that is to say, HIM - is suddenly in danger of being taken away by a strange girl, and Sayaka naturally wants a say in that. Yusuke questions the use of the word "suddenly" here, so Botan points out that Sayaka doesn't know how long he and Keiko have been friends. Botan laments the fact that Yusuke had to act all goofy and macho instead of just telling Sayaka that he was in love with Keiko. He complains that he would NEVER say that to a kid, or, at least, not when he's sober.

Bro, you'd be drunk in front of a tiny child before admitting that you like Keiko to that same child? The issues are REAL.

Cut to Keiko reading a passage in French aloud from a book in class, and her French teacher singing her praises for it. I'm studying French myself, but I can't read her quote, so she's doing a lot better than me! Then cut to the corridor, where Keiko's friends are asking to see her math homework, and she refuses to show them and let them cheat. Another girl is asking her to show her how to solve another problem, which I'm guessing she's much more happy to do, given that it's actually helping the other student out. Still, we don't see her respond. 

See girls? If you're not all of these things, you don't deserve a boyfriend!

... Why are you crying??

As Botan asks Sayaka what she thinks of this quality girlfriend material that you certainly don't see everyday, Yusuke wonders out loud about how Botan SOUNDS like she's selling fucking real estate. Yup, this isn't exactly the most flattering way to talk about Keiko, by any means. Sayaka seems unconvinced to boot, acknowledging that Keiko is popular all right, but questioning where her heart is. Holding up a finger, Sayaka says that while Yusuke might like Keiko, there's no evidence so far that Keiko gives a fig for HIM. Yusuke is sweating under the strain of the sheer EMBARRASSMENT this conversation is causing him. 

After a shot of a tree outside the school, we cut to inside another corridor, where a tall boy hails Keiko. This is definitely has ALL of their attention, including Yusuke's, who sweatdrops in his anxiety. The boy, a quite handsome fellow, scratches his temple in nervousness. He starts to say he's been "eyeing" Keiko, but then quickly revises his phrasing to say he's been thinking of her since school started. He asks her out, while the three spirits eavesdrop in tension, though Yusuke wears a surly expression like he's trying to hide it. 

The boy promises Keiko a fun time, and after a pause, Keiko says that she's sure that's true, thanks him, but ultimately turns him down. This seems to move Yusuke to astonishment, at the very least. The now flustered boy asks why, and if she means she already has a boyfriend. Once more, she pauses.

I mean, it's suggestive, but I know I'VE claimed to have a boyfriend even when I didn't just to avoid unwanted attentions before...

The once handsome boy has transformed into a flabbergasted caricature, gaping in mortification at Keiko's rejection as she walks away with a hurried apology over her shoulder. Botan is delighted, chirping that young love is grand and calling Yusuke a lucky dog. Sayaka is glaring in consternation, clearly irritated. Yusuke points out that this proves NOTHING, since Keiko didn't say WHO it was she likes, and it could be Kuwabara for all they know. At this, Botan turns weirdly violent and attacks Yusuke, demanding from amid their cartoon fight cloud that the idiot fess up. He whines about how the harpy needs to watch her nails. 

How does a ghost feel nails? Or the grim reaper HAVE nails? This comic confuses me sometimes. 

Arms crossed, a stern Sayaka allows for their ENTERTAINING the idea that Yusuke and Keiko love each other, Yusuke criticizing her for behaving like some sort of referee at no one's prompting. Sayaka ignores him, raising a finger once more, and saying that now the question is the depth of Keiko's love, whether she loves Yusuke a lot or just a little. Yusuke's exclamation suggests that he is not down with the continuation of this weird probing into his love life.

Cut to a note that Atsuko has left Keiko at Yusuke's house, flippantly announcing she's going away for a while and telling Keiko to take care of her slumbering son. Keiko's hand trembles in anger holding the note, and she fumes at Atsuko. Keiko looks to the side, farther into the house, which is covered in piles of garbage and cluttered. She complains about the pigsty this place is, where there's barely room enough to walk, and wonders aloud how Atsuko could have made this much of a mess in just a few days. Sayaka innocently suggests that Yusuke has had bad luck with parents just like her, but he tells her to cram it. 

Forget "felony sloppiness" Keiko, NEGLECT is actually a crime.

Keiko finds a miraculously clean checkered cloth (perhaps it's a handkerchief, but it looks more like terrycloth), and gently wipes away the dust and grime she comments on covering his face. Botan tells Sayaka as they hover near this scene that Keiko has never shied away from the burden of taking care of Yusuke in his coma. I mean, the alternative is letting Atsuko just kind of bury him in garbage.

Murmuring about one more spot, Keiko wipes it away, and detects a small sigh escaping Yusuke's lips in his deep slumber. She stares at him, heart beating hard, and the spirit audience stares in turn at her while she blushes and regards Yusuke with a romantic glow.

Hoe don't do it. 

The guy is SCREAMING for this to stop. Sayaka, being a little girl, I get not quite understanding the problems with this, but Botan? Girl, I expected better of you. 

Frankly, I expected better of Keiko, too...

Suddenly an announcement sounds from a double-horned PA speaker, from the Neighborhood Association, which warns of extremely dry conditions leading to high fire danger. Keiko sits bolt upright, vibrating with alarm, and it looks like she hears this crackling, buzzing declaration in her EYEBALLS. The speaker, mounted to a slow-driving truck, continues to belt the notification that there have been arson cases in this area, two suspected incidents in progress on another street, so it implores the residents to be on the alert. 

Yusuke is elated that Keiko's move on his UNCONSCIOUS BODY was stopped in the nick of time, and congratulates the Neighborhood Council on their punctuality. Botan and Sayaka grimace in the background, expressing their apparent disappointment that Yusuke wasn't fondled in his sleep. Why are all my girls disappointing me today? 

Keiko is frozen in the wake of her shattered romantic glow, wondering what she was thinking. Yeah, girl, what WERE you thinking? She trots off, mumbling about having to go run some errands for her mom, and promising that she'll clean up later. 

You should be thanking the Neighborhood Council too, by all accounts. 

Sayaka says that she hates to admit it, but that was a pretty romantic moment. More like a pretty CREEPY moment, lol. Botan characterizes it as sweet as all get-out, poking Yusuke incessantly in the back of the head. I suppose this is just something we're all going to have to disagree on. Botan DOES speak fact when she says it got someone all hot and bothered, while Yusuke growls in irritation at her literal prodding. 

While they're flying around, and it looks like Yusuke has started chasing Botan around with a raised fist, someone takes a furtive step out from an alley. Botan catches the hesitant movement and looks over to where a shaggy head has appeared below. 

Was this guy FOLLOWING the Neighborhood Council truck? What a coincidence otherwise!

A widow rattles as he slides it open, and a view of the room beyond shows piles of scattered trash, so it's clear this is Yusuke's house. The arsonist flings his burning can into the room and the room almost immediately bursts into flame, what with all the shit in there to burn. The guy says "ouch" as he's fleeing into the alley again, although I don't see what he did to hurt himself. Maybe the house went up so fast that he got a back-blast of heat that seared his hand or something, because he's holding his fist behind him at an awkward angle. 

Anyway, Botan and Yusuke are watching this, as well as the smoke pouring out from the house. Sayaka makes a dumbfounded comment, and Botan adds that the place is REALLY burning. Yeah, no shit. It's no surprise that Yusuke is the first to react, screaming about arson and how his mother didn't bother to lock the windows. It's acknowledged with all the garbage in there the house is like a tinderbox before Yusuke is shown hovering over his own body screaming at it to wake up, and that they're about to die. Again. 

He tries to lay down inside his body, muttering that he might be able to get in there long enough to get himself out, but he sits up and down to no effect, yelling that it's no good. Botan reminds him through her own panic that he just accessed his body a few days before, and he won't be able to again for another three weeks. Yusuke says that if they don't do anything, all he'll have to access in a few minutes is a pile of ashes. Botan insists she knows, telling him they need to get some help. 

So Yusuke goes to the neighbor, who earns the nickname "Noodle Face" from the way he's slurping up noodles when Yusuke yells at him to check out the fact that the house across the street is on fire. Another neighbor who is *ahem* preoccupied with an adult manga cannot hear Yusuke's screams of fire either. Yusuke reconvenes with Botan and Sayaka, who are yelling fire themselves in the open air, telling them that no one can hear him. Have they all forgotten about the whole "spirit" condition?

Yusuke half-sarcastically wonders aloud if there are any temple-trained sixth-sense dudes in the neighborhood. Botan snaps that things are NEVER that convenient. Then she recalls Kuwabara, but Yusuke tells her to forget it, because that guy could be anywhere, and even if he was at home, he couldn't get there before it was too late. 

I mean, can no one SMELL it by this point? Most of what's burning in there is trash!

Elsewhere, Keiko pauses at the sound of sirens in the distance, and a bunch of murmurs from the other people in the street. A couple of men start running, one of them shouting to the other that he heard there's another fire on Fourth St. The other agrees, saying that there's speculation it's arson again, and yet another man says there's been so many that the fire department can't get to them all. This arsonist has been BUSY - is he part of some sort of arson sewing circle, or what?

Keiko watches these men jog in the direction of the emergency, and notices that they're heading in the direction of Yusuke's house. She dashes after them, thinking that it CAN'T be, but when she arrives, it turns out it IS. Flames are licking out the windows as the crowd surrounding the house talk about arson some more, and how this is the fifth time today ALONE. Keiko is frozen for a moment, thinking in desperation about how Yusuke told her in her dream that he's going to be back, asking her to wait for her. It's contrasted in terrifying clarity with the flames bursting from every opening to the house. Keiko's only all-consuming thought is Yusuke.

Sayaka points her out, drawing Yusuke's attention to the fact that she's come back, much to Yusuke's disbelief. As his body lies among the approaching flames, Keiko grabs the nearest man to tell him that there's someone inside the house. He and plenty of others hear her, but they try to convince her that whoever is in there is done for, and that the fire is spreading way too fast, discouraging her from going in herself, because she's already pushing through the crowd to run to Yusuke's aid. She yanks herself free of any attempts to hold her away from the burning house, yelling at them to let her go.

Wow, they sure aren't trying very HARD to stop her, are they? 

So, what did I think of this chapter overall? I gotta admit, I started this chapter thinking this was going to be intensely boring for me, and for a little while, it kind of was. Romantic relationships have always been toward the bottom of the list of subjects I find intriguing about the fiction I consume. Sometimes they rise in the ranks, but that's usually when they are no longer in the stage where they're anticipating/denying the romantic connection and already navigating being an out-and-out couple. There's just not a lot that is NEW you can say about two people falling in love anymore, and what little you CAN say is laden with some very CREEPY implications.

Because Keiko leaning in to make out with her childhood friend in a coma? I don't think there are a lot of people nowadays who wouldn't recognize the problems with that if it were a BOY behaving that way toward an unconscious GIRL. At the very least, her protests wouldn't be dismissed as mere token resistance at what she should be okay with, and she wouldn't be told to shut up by spectators. Or, I HOPE that's not what would happen. As it stands, I don't think there's anything contradictory about Yusuke being in love with Keiko too, but wanting to express some kind of agency in when and how they kiss. That seems entirely normal to me, and that he would be denied something like that for some creepy little joke about his machismo is unfortunate. 

That being said, the context of this chapter DID make for a much more comprehensible backdrop for the second half of the drama than the version of it that was in the anime. Sayaka being a kind of exam proctor character was already strange, with an odd impersonal note as though Yusuke hadn't already been building a relationship with Botan and working with her up until this point. That she would take any interest in the relationship between Yusuke and Keiko under that role was almost baffling. Sure, there is SOME logic in her examining his relationships to get an idea of how much he is loved, but on the whole, it didn't seem as important to the determination as it was made out to be. 

In the manga, her being a child developing a crush on Yusuke and "inspecting" his love interest as a setup to show just how far Keiko and Yusuke's dedication for each other goes is a MUCH better and more organic way of communicating their relationship to the reader. And it deftly avoids the problem I mentioned in my first paragraph of analysis above - I was afraid that this would be JUST be a sappy chapter with a side of girl vs. girl pettiness. I mean, it WAS that, to be sure, but it managed to give that a purpose where too many stories just make it the end in and of itself. 

One thing is certain, the stakes have definitely risen in the last few pages.