Inuyasha Manga: 175 Where We Met

Normally I would advise against a poor lovelorn girl from visiting that hallowed place of first meeting, but maybe for Kagome, this'll work. Not because she can't avoid it, because living on the property hosting that particular landmark certainly makes it so. No, it's because her first meeting with Inuyasha was when he was pinned through his chest to said landmark and being a threatening monster. Nothing romantic about it. It should put things in a slightly different perspective for her at least.

Hell, considering Inuyasha's initial behavior, maybe this could be considered dodging a bullet!

Ugh, the fantasy equivalent to that box of your ex's stuff that you have to drive over to his house. It's official, this has all the hallmarks of the classic breakup.

Is it only classic because Inuyasha and Kagome set the precedent 500 years in the past? Food for thought.

Kagome picks up the vial of Shikon shards and thinks that if she returns it, everything will be over. and her life would return to normal. This sobering thought follows her all the way to school, shuffling in her melancholy and sighing as she arrives. It's REAAAALLY pathetic. Her friends Short-Hair and Headband greet her with smiles, stoked that she's left the alleged "hospital". Headband is curious about if this visit to the doctor really was because she was covered in mysterious spots, and Kagome sweatdrops over how obvious it is that her grandfather seems to have run out of specific fake illnesses for her.

Short-Hair is way more interested in what's happened since the last time they saw her. Kagome makes a confused noise, and Headband leans around her, telling her not to play dumb. On her other side, Short-Hair blurts out the dish she wants: more juicy gossip on her relationship with that rotten, two-timing, jealous, violent, very selfish guy. Sounds like the title to a strange children's book, and one that raises Kagome's hackles at first. Short-Hair wants to know if Kagome and her mysterious jerk-boyfriend finally broke up, but Kagome just hangs her head in silence, staring blankly at the ground. Headband says Kagome's name in question, but when her head hangs low enough to be hidden by her bangs, the other two girls edge back in nervousness, Short-Hair wondering in cluelessness if it was something she said.

That false sunniness isn't fooling a soul, but at least the people Kagome's trying to convince don't live in her head like with the guy in the post before this one. Can't do a poorer job pretending to be fine with heartbreak than him.

Low bar to set, though, and Kagome BARELY clears it. Both her friends are alarmed that SHE didn't break up with the guy, and draw the conclusion that this means Kagome is still in love with the jerk ex. Short-Hair, in particular, is pretty distraught by this, sweating and heart-thumping like she's running a marathon. Headband seems to just be on blank-stare mode. Kagome waves off the shock of her friends and insists that she's TOTALLY fine now. Short-Hair timidly asks if Kagome is really recovered, and Kagome replies with a swift and sure confirmation, then, with the most manufactured of grins, asks that they not bring this up anymore, since she's so fine and all.

Both girls put on their own phony happy faces, Headband internally translating the message into "don't cause me any more pain", and Short Hair just thinking how scared she is of Kagome's fake smile.

Anyway, who gives a shit, let's get back to beyond the well, in Kaede's village!

Sango side-eyes the third-degree Shippou is giving Inuyasha and questions if it's REALLY that simple. This said while fixing bandages to the guy for whom it might actually be that simple if he were in such a position. Miroku is looking lofty and bored, silent for a moment, until he turns to Inuyasha and tells him to go see Kagome. Inuyasha snaps that he doesn't want to listen to this again,, casting his gaze to the side in shame as he repeats no doubt for the thousandth time that he's decided not to see Kagome anymore.

Miroku is up and kicking Inuyasha upside the head in no time, informing the bastard that he has the wrong idea. Crouching down in Inuyasha's face with a threatening look, Miroku spells out for him that he wants Inuyasha to go to Kagome's place and get the Shikon fragments that she took with her, because INUYASHA is the only one who can go. Inuyasha is successfully intimidated by this, making a meek approximation of an almost-protest, while Sango questions the command's restriction to JUST the Shikon shards. In his frankly ineffectual little kid tantrum, Shippou demands to know if Miroku even cares what happens to Kagome. Miroku responds that it can't be helped, because Inuyasha has chosen Kikyou, and it would be cruel to ask Kagome back under those circumstances. Inuyasha just sits quietly, not offering a word in any capacity.

If I were Kaede, I would have told him to piss off and stop bothering me while I'm fucking WORKING if he doesn't want my advice, but that's why she's better than me. She just ignores the question and goes straight to reminding him that the current Kikyou is an imitation made of bones and earth, and she shouldn't even be IN this world right now. Inuyasha thinks that the soul IS Kikyou's however. Kaede continues, asking Inuyasha if he understands that he and Kikyou can't be together in this world, and that Kikyou's ultimate wish is to die alongside him. With zero of his usual passion and intensity, he claims this is fine; he'll go to hell with Kikyou as she wishes. He adds a note in his head, a little supplementary condition if you will, that it'll happen if it's their fate.

Back in modern times at the shrine, specifically the well-house...

Intellectually, she's on a level with Miroku, but the farthest she can get is propping her knee up on the lip of the well. She admits to herself that she doesn't WANT to give them back, and she's scared. Kagome knows that if she hands over those shards, she won't be able to see Inuyasha anymore. Not to mention she won't be able to go on cool time-traveling adventures. But that part is just me being insensitive again.

Kagome has graduated from seeing Inuyasha just not looking away from her in the forest to imagining him saying that he's sorry, and that he'll go with Kikyou now. She's taken her knee off the well, where both her fists clench on top of it, one around those precious Shikon fragments. She finds herself thinking it would be better if Kikyou weren't around anymore, and this shocks the hell out of her. She appears to wring her hands as she hangs her head, wondering if she's really become such a horrible girl. Convinced that she must have made a really horrible face with a thought like that, Kagome exits the well-house, because she can't see Inuyasha with an expression like that. Excuses, excuses.

She looks down at the glittering Shikon shards in her hand, in numb admiration of how they sparkle in the sunlight filtering through the leaves above. Looking up at them, she gapes at the giant before her.

She identifies it as the Goshinboku, that tree that Inuyasha got himself pinned to with an arrow, like an idiot. Remembering him hanging there, propped up with vines and roots twisting around him, Kagome walks up and puts a hand on the tree. It was here five hundred years in the past that she met Inuyasha for the first time.

Instead of recalling what a perfect little snot he was upon that first meeting, though, she wonders why they had to meet at all. If it was going to hurt so much, Kagome thinks it would have been better to not have met him at all. But here she is, having met him, standing with her head hanging and hand on a tree, wanting to see Inuyasha again. Tears running down her face, she admits to herself that she loves Inuyasha, and brings her hand from the tree bark to her face, questioning when it was that she started to love him THIS much.

Pinpointing the exact moment is kind of an exercise in futility, but if I had to guess, the estimated moment would be the exact moment you realized you might not get to see him anymore.

And it's only getting worse as the seconds tick by.

So, what did I think of this chapter overall? This is another example of how good RT is at delivering honest, raw emotion. None of Kagome's pain is overplayed, or overdramatized for effect. The things that go through her head as she tries to process her broken heart are thoughts and questions I myself have had in undergoing the same turmoil. They're especially poignant for Kagome in her odd situation though, because Kikyou isn't SUPPOSED to be around, and Kagome meeting up with Inuyasha was the result of a crazy time-loop-paradox. Considering the odds at play in all of these variables, she's not being dramatic in considering her heartbreak to be fundamentally unfair. That's not teenage angst - that's the universe giving you the finger.

But she's not allowed to FEEL that way. Kagome's reaction to a wish that Kikyou wasn't around anymore is shock and revulsion, like she had committed an indiscretion. No one else is around, and she's not actually hurting anyone with this simple thought, but she has the impression that it's made her ugly, given her a terrible expression, and she wouldn't want Inuyasha to see her like that. She's still so concerned with how Inuyasha would view her despite knowing that they're through. It's an interesting representation of how young women are encouraged to bury bad thoughts by tying those thoughts to how they appear to people they love - an effective policing strategy. Be nice and polite and good at all times even in your head, or else you'll be ugly! Kind of insidious.

Another interesting part of the chapter was seeing how everyone ELSE was effected by the presumed breakup. Kagome's friends of course don't have any stake in this relationship, so their only reaction is to be a bit put-off by Kagome's morose attitude. For the rest of Inuyasha's group, however, whether or not they will ever see Kagome again rides on this. Shippou is inconsolably upset, as he was last time Kagome was meant to be gone forever, and his view of the situation is as narrow as that because all he knows is that he wants Kagome around and Inuyasha has hurt her to the point of leaving again.

Miroku and Sango have more nuanced views of the situation, though. Miroku doesn't want her to have to suffer for all the rest of their comfort, which falls in line with his Buddhist background. It's also pretty clear that he is BARELY tolerating Inuyasha's obtuseness right now, his cold and shrewd instruction to Inuyasha a big indication that he's also furious at the situation, even if he's going to act above pissing and moaning about it.

Sango remains thoughtful and withdrawn in her reaction, no doubt also pushing down those bad emotions just like Kagome. In addition, though, she's more willing to give Inuyasha the benefit of the doubt, questioning if his decision is really half as simple as Shippou is making it out to be. I can't be sure, but my guess is that she's considering her brother again, in parallel with Kikyou. She and Inuyasha had a rather intimate conversation about how a loved one might have changed, been mangled by horrible circumstances, but being unable to turn away from or abandon that loved one anyway. I can't imagine she'll ever forget that conversation for as long as she lives, and here Inuyasha is, acting on just what they discussed.

And, of course, Kaede has to put in an appearance warning Inuyasha that his decision will not end well, so he'd better be sure he wants to put himself all the way in Kikyou's corner. When a girl's own SISTER is doubtful that she's good for you, maybe she really IS that shitty, dude.

But I know, I know. He's really just rolling with the guilt and obligation here. Still, if Kagome can abandon HER duty to put back together the youkai-steroid that she broke just so she won't have to endure the pain of seeing Inuyasha again, he's not beyond doing the same with Kikyou. Not that I think Kikyou CAN be abandoned. I mean, it's pretty hard to abandon someone who splits the first moment they get a chance.