Yu-Gi-Oh Manga: 028 The First Battlefield

Yu-Gi-Oh is a lot like a great big bowl of green chili; it can be delicious and painful, all at the same time. Then, a few hours later, it's just the pain that comes back during several minutes spent on a toilet. Despite your moans that you will never consume it EVER again, you know you're lying to yourself. Those spicy endorphins always draw you in when lunchtime rolls back around. 

I guess this isn't a perfect analogy, but I'm hungry, and the entire house smells like green chili because I've got the Crockpot going.

Where were we again?

Oh yeah, Kaiba is threatening Yuugi with making his grandfather insane if he doesn't participate in a deadly theme park, and I just got done explaining in the last chapter review why I think Yami is indirectly responsible for this and the other atrocities Kaiba has committed since we last encountered him.

Let the butthurt begin!

Games, actually, I meant games.

Sugoroku is still locked in the dueling booth, screaming at the horrible projections around him. Yuugi screams too, from the other side of the glass as he's forced to watch his grandfather suffer. Kaiba is laughing at Sugoroku's suffering, all while counting down the minutes until the old man loses his mind. Yuugi demands that Kaiba get Sugoroku out of the simulation box, and Kaiba agrees to do so on one condition: Yuugi has to go through the "Death-T" attraction Kaiba spent several billion yen building just for him.

Yuugi promises to take part in Kaiba's sick attraction, so Kaiba chuckles and tells one of his lackeys to stop the simulation. As soon as the virtual monsters disappear and Sugoroku is left gasping in their wake, Yuugi barges into the booth, asking if he's okay. All Sugoroku can do is pant at first, but eventually apologizes for losing. Yuugi's eyes well up with tears as Sugoroku tells Yuugi how awful Kaiba is, being willing to kill over cards and everything, Yuugi urges him not to talk.

Disregarding Yuugi's suggestion, Sugoroku pulls his Duel Monsters deck out of his pocket and says he lost with those cards, but they still contain his soul. He gives them to Yuugi with the instructions that he has to use those cards to beat Kaiba. Sugoroku, you've acknowledged that Kaiba is deranged enough to kill people, and your advice to your grandson isn't to get as far away from this lunatic as possible? Instead, you request that Yuugi sit across a table from Kaiba and try to duel reason into him?? Do you care about Yuugi's life at all???

Yuugi already agreed to go through "Death-T," so what's another risk on his life today? He tells his grandfather he'll win with the soul-cards. Jonouchi runs up to the booth, with ambulance personnel in tow, whom he called a few minutes ago. Whew, I was beginning to think the ambulance didn't even exist there for a while. It's good to know these characters finally got to a phone too. Goodness knows they could have used one long before this moment.

As Sugoroku is wheeled away on a stretcher, Yuugi watches, silently apologizing for not being able to go with him to the hospital. He looks down at his grandfather's cards with determination. Kaiba sees this and laughs at him, correctly surmising that Yuugi thinks he's going to beat Kaiba with the deck Kaiba just defeated. Yuugi informs him that beating him with those particular cards was a promise he just made to his grandfather. Kaiba is jubilant as he shows off the three Blue Eyes White Dragon cards in his deck, reminding Yuugi that the deck he's holding doesn't even have ONE of those in it anymore.

Oh, don't give Kaiba any credit here, Yuugi. He wasn't LIKE a coward, he IS one. 100%. He emphasizes just how much of a coward he is by letting Yuugi know that he was actually planning that rematch with Yuugi anyway, but only if Yuugi manages to rise through the levels of Kaiba Land all the way to the duel dome at the top. If Yuugi makes it, Kaiba estimates that his odds of winning are slim to none. He basically tells Yuugi he doesn't have a snowball's chance in Hell getting through "Death-T" anyhow.

He didn't... give a reason, Kaiba. At least, not before Kaiba already thinks his reason is stupid. Jonouchi tells Kaiba he could beat him to a pulp right now, but he thinks it would be more useful for Yuugi to beat Kaiba at his own game. While I do think it'll be cool when Yuugi makes it all the way through the death tower and beats Kaiba's stupid ass, Jonouchi should still hit him. And not just because I want to hit Kaiba too. Repeatedly. Until he stops moving. Forever.

Happy tears well in Yuugi's eyes this time as Jonouchi says he'll assist Yuugi in any way until he defeats Kaiba. Kaiba just scoffs at them before someone else appears, asking if they've forgotten him.

No one forgot about you, Honda, we just never realized you were here to begin with. What the hell are you carrying on your back, by the way? Inquiring Jonouchis want to know.

Turns out Honda is an uncle, and he's looking after his nephew for the day. Said nephew wanted to go to Kaiba Land, and must have been one of the special ones invited for the opening ceremony. That's what I'm assuming, anyway. Honda says he saw everything and thinks they'll need his help too, so he's willing to lend what he can.Yuugi is moved by his friendship too.

The baby on Honda's back is just as smitten with Kaiba as the rest of the audience was, it seems, and waves at him happily. Honda tells him to shut up and hits him, though Jonouchi tries to calm him down to avoid a crying infant. The infant is actually quite articulate and instead of crying warns Honda that he'll tell his mother that Honda hurt him. Honda tells him to shut up again.

Yuugi is too dazzled by the help his friends are offering to take much notice, but Kaiba just looks on with a smug smirk. The three men and a baby stand together and demand to be shown where this game starts. Honda looks considerably nonthreatening with that kid strapped to his back, though. That must be why Kaiba is so convinced he'll bury all of them. With his hubris firmly established, Kaiba calls out to someone to open the gate to "Death-T."

I don't know, Yuugi, but just in case, you might want to have Jonouchi use that phone-dialing talent he has to dial the police this time. I mean, the name of the theme park is "Death-T" and that's about as blatant a threat on your life as threats get.

Kaiba tells Yuugi to get on in there as his crowd murmurs in the background. They wonder what's going on, another exposition kid explains to his nearby friends that there's another park behind the door that only the special guests get to visit, and someone else begs Kaiba to let them in too. I'm sure Kaiba would love to, if you defeat him at Duel Monsters, of course.

Yuugi and friends walk into the archway, Yuugi with a pounding heart. Before the door shuts again, Kaiba tells Yuugi he'll be waiting at the top of his tower. Yuugi looks back at the door after it slams and tells himself there's no turning back now. As they walk down the hallway, Jonouchi says he's starting to get a bad feeling and Honda asks him if he's chicken. Really, Jonouchi, this is where you start to get a bad feeling?

They look like they're heading along the set of Battlestar Galactica, and Jonouchi is complaining that he doesn't see any attractions yet, wondering where the passage leads. They finally come upon a door much like the first, with "Death T-1" written on it. Honda stupidly asks if this could be their first game. The door slides open and they start walking down yet another hallway, this time with a blaring "EMERGENCY" announcement. Then they're greeted in the hallway by a panting someone asking for help. The boys are shocked because the actress happens to be:

Anzu! It's been a while, girl! She explains that she was fired from Burger World for punching a customer who groped her, so she got a job at this amusement park and it's her first day. First of all, that place is nasty if it doesn't stand up for its employees in harassment situations, so it didn't deserve you anyway. Second of all, I think you might have just gotten an even worse job, so out of the frying pan into the fire, I guess.

She admits that she didn't think she'd see her friends there. Jonouchi asks Anzu why she was calling for help, and she clues him in that she was acting her part. She has other lines too, like the ones about how the space station they're supposedly in is being attacked and the player is the only one who can save it. Another one is a request to put on cybervests and laser guns to defeat the enemy. I see, this is laser tag. That's distinctly... innocuous. Unless the guns are real -

OH GOODNESS THE GUNS ARE REAL, AREN'T THEY??

Jonouchi tells Anzu she's careless, and at first she thinks he's telling her that her acting is bad. She says she's been practicing, but Jonouchi just lambasts her for not knowing what this theme park is really about. Jonouchi, you didn't know until just a few minutes ago, don't go shitting on Anzu because her employers didn't want to tell her that her job was essentially to lead Yuugi to his death.

Honda observes that this challenge is a shooting battle, which reveals to us that he has a semi-functional brain! Hooray! Yuugi observes that the vests and guns Anzu was talking about are hanging on the wall, which reveals to us that he has working eyes! Jonouchi is still snarking about Anzu's intelligence, despite the fact that she had no way of knowing what her job actually was, which reveals that he is a gigantic asshole! Anzu just tells them to put on their accessories.

Three-on-three? Did Kaiba just have three opponents for Yuugi to fight alone? Or did he know that Jonouchi and Honda would be coming with? Well, he knew that Jonouchi would be coming to the park, because Kaiba invited him to his mansion with Yuugi the night before. Also, he clearly invited Honda's little nephew to the opening ceremony, because the park isn't officially open for another three days. So, theoretically he could have known that both Jonouchi and Honda would volunteer to go in with Yuugi, but only if he also knew Honda would be watching his nephew today too...

I'm just going to go with Kaiba was going to make Yuugi fight a team of three by himself because he's a dick. 

Anzu proceeds to tell them the rules of laser tag; lasers, sensor on the left breast, the whole shebang. There's one alteration, however, and that's the player will feel a "slight" shock through their body if they're hit in the sensor. This is why, when Yuugi wonders what traps Kaiba has in store for him, I think he either wasn't even LISTENING to Anzu, OR he's a moron.

Honda foists his nephew on Anzu, since he can't be carrying around a child while he's shooting. Well, since Anzu has all the equipment he does, she could shoot in his stead while he watches his own damn gratuitous baby. Oh, no, sorry, that was my inferior ladybrains talking. I forgot, Anzu's a girl, and therefore she does the childcare while the men do the shooting. Anzu asks Honda why this gratuitous baby exists, speculating that it might be his kid, which give her an understandably disturbed face. Honda does what he does best and tells her to shut up. She begins to play with the baby by making annoying baby-noises at him, and then THIS happens:

No matter where Anzu goes or what she is doing, she can't seem to escape sexual harassment. Takahashi, I am side-eyeing you hardcore for your multitude of sexist writing decisions here.

The boys announce that they're heading in, leaving Anzu alone with yet another disgusting person that she would punch too if he wasn't a baby. She should punch him anyway, but she just sends her friends off with a sunny smile and a wish of luck while the kid continues to drool over her boobs in her arms.

The scene is playing out on a monitor too, which Seto Kaiba is complaining about. He asks a lackey why he hired Anzu, because she's a friend of Yuugi's. The lackey apologizes and Kaiba is strangely forgiving. He didn't drop the guy into boiling lava or anything! He must be too distracted with narrating how Yuugi and friends are entering the game, and yell-asking if everything is ready. The lackey confirms that the enemies have been selected, all of which are professionals. In shooting, I'm assuming, because being a professional enemy just sounds silly. Kaiba chuckles at the information of these professionals displayed on the monitors in front of him.

The guy in the middle is my favorite. Sweet facial hair, dude.

Seto exposits that Yuugi and his teammates only have toys, but his opponents shoot to kill with guns that can zap them with a million volts of electricity. He then laughs about how he gets to sit there and watch Yuugi die. Next thing you know, he'll be recording it for home viewing and sell it on the internet as a snuff film. Sounds like something Kaiba would do.

The three opponents are discussing how Kaiba told them they'd get ten thousand for each kid they murder. Mr. Smith (unknown) claims he'll take down all three himself, which seems to be a weird thing to brag about, considering they're all defenseless CHILDREN. Mr. Gale just says that they're going to have fun. Again, DEFENSELESS CHILDREN.

Yuugi and friends prepare to face their opponents, all with serious expressions.

So, what did I think about this chapter overall? I like the laser tag idea. Who doesn't like laser tag? Unfortunately, there isn't much else good to say about it. At best, it was a primer for the real action in the next chapter.

I was actually kind of moved by how Yuugi rushed to comfort his grandfather after his ordeal, but Sugoroku's request that Yuugi stay and beat Kaiba left a bad taste in my mouth. If Yuugi had suggested it, that would have been one thing, considering he'd already agreed to stay and do "Death-T." But Sugoroku making that request is so... careless. Kaiba told him that he'd done terrible things to people, caused suicides and ordered the mafia to kill people. He should have been encouraging Yuugi to go into witness protection to get away from Kaiba, because it's clear that Kaiba has the superior resources here. Sugoroku just gave me the impression that he cared more about the loss than the life of his grandson, and I'm pretty sure that's the LAST thing Takahashi wanted me to think.

Also, as much as I liked Anzu showing back up to help out, her role as child caregiver right now isn't giving me good vibes. As a shrill feminist, the way she was treated in this chapter made me wince. Yes, I'm aware that she'll probably have a greater role to play later, but this introduction was gross and intensified the bad taste from the beginning.

My biggest problem with the chapter, though, is trying to eke out what Kaiba's thought process for the games was. Did he expect others to be there, or for Yuugi to be alone? I can understand how he might have anticipated Jonouchi taking part, but unless he ARRANGED for Honda to be babysitting that day, I don't see how he could have ensured that Honda be there. I want to imagine that Kaiba thought Yuugi would be alone through all of it, but the fact that Kaiba doesn't seem at all surprised by Yuugi's friends volunteering to enter Death-T with him keeps throwing me for a loop.

I hope in the next chapters I end up seeing some indicators for either planning for the other two to be there, or at least irritation that they came with. Either way would make me understand the whole plot a little better.